When traveling through your parenting journey, you encounter guilt trips of all kinds. Guilt trips from family members, guilt trips from your children (power struggle, anyone?), and the infamous guilt trips from other moms. You know the ones: they have an opposing view to yours and will move heaven and earth to try to get you to see just how right they are. What fun! Glorious, enlightening fun! Or not...
You see, we all have those things that bring the passion out of us. The key is sharing those passions without making other moms feel like complete dopes for not agreeing with us. The key is to allow people to have different viewpoints without throwing out that dreaded guilt trip in an attempt to win whatever imaginary battle we're all "fighting" these days.
The big hulabaloo I often see is which foodie lifestyle we should follow. You've got vegans spouting off at those insensitive carnivores, and then you have cave men & women.... I mean paleo-faithfuls going gung-ho ballistic on people who eat wheat, or whatever it is they're against. You've got the couponers buying boxed foods, raving about how much they save (which is awesome, mind you) while the organic hippies are looking down their noses in disgust at the toxins those couponers are force-feeding their children. You get where I'm going here? Everyone is right and everyone who doesn't agree with that particular mindset is wrong.
I am very particular about following a whole foods diet as closely as possible. I prefer organic fruits and vegetables, and use meat and treats sparingly. That being said, you WILL catch me at McDonalds now and then and you WILL see me purchasing things like Cheez Its and frozen pizzas from the grocery store. For a long, long time, I was utterly ashamed of myself for caving in such a way. How dare I go against what I so fondly "preach" about. But you know, I just don't care anymore. I don't care that I like to take the easy way out of dinner when I don't feel like cooking. I don't care that someone somewhere is going to find something wrong with something in my grocery cart 99.9% of the time. I just don't care.
Then there is the whole medical debate. It's typically between those darn hippies and what they so lovingly call "sheeple." I err on the hippie side of things, but you won't see me telling another parent what road to take when it comes to the health of their children. I am all for doctors and the widsom they bring to the table, but I am also all for a parent's intuition, the plentiful goodness nature provides, and the Holy Spirit's leading, so I believe all of those wonderful resources can be combined to come up with the best solution to any medical problem we have. Go with nature, pray, or put your trust in modern medicine... or be like me and have a swirled up combo of some sort. It's your choice! You have your children for a reason... you know what's best for them. Who am I to tell you how to approach their health and wellness?
There are so many other debates where parents are pitted against each other because of their views. It is tremendously overwhelming at times and I just want to shout "STOOOOOOOOPPPP!!!!!!" I think it is wonderful that people have that desire to educate each other, but there comes a point when we cross that line and things become ugly and hurtful and it needs to end!
We live in a day in age where these sort of battles can haunt us to our core and I decided to throw it all out the window and go with MY (and the hubby's) gut on the decisions we make for our family. I'm done hiding because someone will see I am not living up to that unrealistic potential I so longingly desire to achieve. If I want to eat a darn cookie, I'll eat that cookie. If I want to feed one to my kid *gasp!* I have every right to do so.
Just get along. When you see something that grinds your gears, take a breath, count to ten, do a little jig, and keep moving on. If you feel the need to correct someone or educate them for whatever reason, do it with kindness and love. Don't belittle them for being a dimwit. Don't scorn them for being naive. We get so much flack from so many places. I want to make it a priority to speak in love to others, even when I disagree with them. If, one by one, we can all start turning those scowls into smiles, and those arguments into healthy, friendly discussions, this world could be a much happier place.
Cut each other some slack. Respect each other. Realize that God has gifted us with brains of our own and what works for some people might not work for others. Eat that burger and large fry without shame. Plant that organic garden in your yard. Do what you feel led to do and be proud of it! Share your thoughts and your dreams and your goals for your life in a way that is respectful to others. It's possible! It really is.
Peace, love, and happiness, friends.
~That ever-growing hippie chick with a sheeple-ish grin. :)
~Our Family~
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
A Special Announcement and Those Nagging Questions....
Our family is growing, yet again, and I couldn't be more thrilled about it. We have made our announcement to our closest family and friends, and then quickly made it "official" on our personal Facebook pages, since we knew word would spread quickly. So here's my blog announcement: We're thrilled to announce that we're expecting Baby Terry #5 in December! :-D
As each day passes, I go through a whole slew of emotions, like any expectant mother would. This baby is very much wanted and that never changes, but I do notice when I'm around people who are skeptical of large families, their doubts try to take hold in my mind. Am I cut out for this? Are we doing right by the kids we have? Is this really the right move to make? Well, let me tell you, there's no turning back now, so those thoughts can be tossed in the trash, thank you very much!
Here's the thing: I've always wanted a big family. I've always loved kids, and I love them even more now that I have my own. Today, having a large family is often looked down upon, and my conflict-avoiding self can't exactly dodge the comments and interrogations that come from those concerned people who think we're being a bit extravagant in our family-growing ways. There's nothing I can do about those people, other than to brush their comments off my shoulder and to continue being happy with what is to come for us.
I've got some answers to the questions people like to ask. I'll try to be as kind as possible in my response, but know that I am full of raging hormones, therefore I'll ask forgiveness, just in case I give a cold answer with the look of death in my eyes. ;)
Aren't you concerned about quality time with each child? Of course we are! As of right now, Jeff works a second shift job, so our "Alone Nights" with the kids fall on my shoulders.... and that is a responsibility I eagerly accept. In addition to praising each child's individuality, strengths, accomplishments, and gifts, we strive to have "alone nights" once a week with each child. As our family grows, those alone nights may be spaced out, but they will happen, and we will continue to enjoy them until the kids are grown and have families of their own. Since we currently have to enjoy alone nights at home most of the time, we do what we can to make them special. The kids often get to choose a special snack, a show or movie to watch, or an activity to do with Mom. We've also allowed them to pick an alone night buddy to tag along, if they choose to have one. We enjoy games, spa nights, long talks, and Netflix marathons with the kids. As soon as our nights free up a bit, Jeff and I will take turns carting the kids to various outings on their own (ice cream, putt putt, bowling, etc.). We do what we can when we can do it and we always make sure that our kids know just how special they are and how much we love them. Even the simplest of nights are appreciated by them because they know that they are getting that quality time with us.
What about the cost of raising so many children? So apparently when you have three or more children, your personal/private income goes on blast. To this, I say that you can make pretty much any income work as long as you know how to re-prioritize. Necessities soon look like frivolous treats and you become a budgeting ninja with the news of a new family member's arrival. I have talked about various ways we stretch our money in this post. Some things may have changed a bit since, but the gist of it all is the same. I make many cleaning products, bath and body supplies, and am not the least bit terrified of purchasing things from garage sales, Goodwill, or other thrift shops. Hand me downs are big here, too. We rarely eat out, and we keep our menu quite simple... we stick to whole foods as much as possible and try to avoid the pricey, less healthy packaged stuff. If you want to know more, read the other post. I am still intrigued by others' ways of saving and budgeting, so I'd love to hear your tips and tricks!
You know what causes that, right? Well, we're adults with fully functioning brains, so I think we've figured it out.... and we seem to do it well. ;) We know very well how to avoid pregnancy, we have just come to a place where we are confident in our marriage, our faith in God, and our family, so we choose to leave the size of our family up to the Lord. Much to our surprise, a new addition didn't happen when we first let go. I struggled with it for a bit, but it's all good. God knows what's what. Now that blessing is growing and preparing for the big day he/she makes his/her grand entrance into our big wide world.
I talked about my change of heart and our decision to let go here. We stand by this and are confident that God will bless us with the perfect size family for us. It wasn't easy letting go... believe me... I don't like it when I can't control big things in my life... but this was the best decision we ever made for our marriage, our family, and our relationship with God. It took my faith to the next level. I am so thankful for that.
Are you going to send your kids to school now that another baby is on the way? Uh, well... that thought never crossed my mind until you asked, but no.... I will not be sending my children to school because our family is growing. This is an excellent time for them to learn great life/family skills. This is another reason I love schooling my kids at home. They are always learning life skills, even when textbook lessons are set aside. If we need to take a few weeks off, we have the freedom to do so. We have summers to make up for missed school, and we have the ability to write our own schedules. If the Lord were to direct us otherwise, of course we'd send the kids to school, but for now, we're sticking to what works for us. What works for us is the absolute honor to home school.... and to do it with complete peace and joy. I realize we will have hard days or seasons, but that is no reason to throw in the towel. Things worth doing never come easy. :)
There are so many other questions and concerns that come up, from our choice of diapers to medical decisions to where or how we're giving birth. While most of the time, it's just curious cats who'd like to take notes for future reference, or friends who enjoy talking about babies and family, sometimes people ask because they want to *clears throat* "educate" us on the best options. This makes me chuckle. Four kids in and another on the way, and there are people who believe we aren't well-equipped with knowledge on various child-rearing topics. Of course, it's a never-ending learning process, but I've become quite the pro when it comes to research, prayer, and educated decision making. We've got this and we've got it good! It is great knowing there is a community of people out there who want what's best for our family/children, even when the approach can rub a pregnant mama the wrong way.
I am so grateful that we live in a country where family size and most of the decisions we make are completely up to us. I'm thankful that I have some of the absolute best people in our corner ~ people who stand behind our actions, even if they are different from their own. I feel blessed beyond measure for the people God has placed in my life and I am incredibly excited for the new life to come that will make a great impact on my own.... in fact, this kidney bean has already made quite the ripple and I am so in love. <3
Do you have a large family? I know that term is relative.... there are families much larger than ours... but if you have a family that is larger than the "norm," I'd love to hear from you! What do you say to the critics? How do you prepare for a new arrival? What do you do to make things work financially? How do you rearrange your home and organize your space to accommodate the new life that will fill that space? These are questions that will always intrigue me. Family will always be a huge interest of mine, especially since the one I have pulls at my heartstrings in ways I never thought possible.
However big or small your family, I pray the Lord blesses you and provides you with the joy and contentment He's given me. Hug your loved ones and don't forget to count your blessings!
~Em
As each day passes, I go through a whole slew of emotions, like any expectant mother would. This baby is very much wanted and that never changes, but I do notice when I'm around people who are skeptical of large families, their doubts try to take hold in my mind. Am I cut out for this? Are we doing right by the kids we have? Is this really the right move to make? Well, let me tell you, there's no turning back now, so those thoughts can be tossed in the trash, thank you very much!
Here's the thing: I've always wanted a big family. I've always loved kids, and I love them even more now that I have my own. Today, having a large family is often looked down upon, and my conflict-avoiding self can't exactly dodge the comments and interrogations that come from those concerned people who think we're being a bit extravagant in our family-growing ways. There's nothing I can do about those people, other than to brush their comments off my shoulder and to continue being happy with what is to come for us.
I've got some answers to the questions people like to ask. I'll try to be as kind as possible in my response, but know that I am full of raging hormones, therefore I'll ask forgiveness, just in case I give a cold answer with the look of death in my eyes. ;)
Aren't you concerned about quality time with each child? Of course we are! As of right now, Jeff works a second shift job, so our "Alone Nights" with the kids fall on my shoulders.... and that is a responsibility I eagerly accept. In addition to praising each child's individuality, strengths, accomplishments, and gifts, we strive to have "alone nights" once a week with each child. As our family grows, those alone nights may be spaced out, but they will happen, and we will continue to enjoy them until the kids are grown and have families of their own. Since we currently have to enjoy alone nights at home most of the time, we do what we can to make them special. The kids often get to choose a special snack, a show or movie to watch, or an activity to do with Mom. We've also allowed them to pick an alone night buddy to tag along, if they choose to have one. We enjoy games, spa nights, long talks, and Netflix marathons with the kids. As soon as our nights free up a bit, Jeff and I will take turns carting the kids to various outings on their own (ice cream, putt putt, bowling, etc.). We do what we can when we can do it and we always make sure that our kids know just how special they are and how much we love them. Even the simplest of nights are appreciated by them because they know that they are getting that quality time with us.
What about the cost of raising so many children? So apparently when you have three or more children, your personal/private income goes on blast. To this, I say that you can make pretty much any income work as long as you know how to re-prioritize. Necessities soon look like frivolous treats and you become a budgeting ninja with the news of a new family member's arrival. I have talked about various ways we stretch our money in this post. Some things may have changed a bit since, but the gist of it all is the same. I make many cleaning products, bath and body supplies, and am not the least bit terrified of purchasing things from garage sales, Goodwill, or other thrift shops. Hand me downs are big here, too. We rarely eat out, and we keep our menu quite simple... we stick to whole foods as much as possible and try to avoid the pricey, less healthy packaged stuff. If you want to know more, read the other post. I am still intrigued by others' ways of saving and budgeting, so I'd love to hear your tips and tricks!
You know what causes that, right? Well, we're adults with fully functioning brains, so I think we've figured it out.... and we seem to do it well. ;) We know very well how to avoid pregnancy, we have just come to a place where we are confident in our marriage, our faith in God, and our family, so we choose to leave the size of our family up to the Lord. Much to our surprise, a new addition didn't happen when we first let go. I struggled with it for a bit, but it's all good. God knows what's what. Now that blessing is growing and preparing for the big day he/she makes his/her grand entrance into our big wide world.
I talked about my change of heart and our decision to let go here. We stand by this and are confident that God will bless us with the perfect size family for us. It wasn't easy letting go... believe me... I don't like it when I can't control big things in my life... but this was the best decision we ever made for our marriage, our family, and our relationship with God. It took my faith to the next level. I am so thankful for that.
Are you going to send your kids to school now that another baby is on the way? Uh, well... that thought never crossed my mind until you asked, but no.... I will not be sending my children to school because our family is growing. This is an excellent time for them to learn great life/family skills. This is another reason I love schooling my kids at home. They are always learning life skills, even when textbook lessons are set aside. If we need to take a few weeks off, we have the freedom to do so. We have summers to make up for missed school, and we have the ability to write our own schedules. If the Lord were to direct us otherwise, of course we'd send the kids to school, but for now, we're sticking to what works for us. What works for us is the absolute honor to home school.... and to do it with complete peace and joy. I realize we will have hard days or seasons, but that is no reason to throw in the towel. Things worth doing never come easy. :)
There are so many other questions and concerns that come up, from our choice of diapers to medical decisions to where or how we're giving birth. While most of the time, it's just curious cats who'd like to take notes for future reference, or friends who enjoy talking about babies and family, sometimes people ask because they want to *clears throat* "educate" us on the best options. This makes me chuckle. Four kids in and another on the way, and there are people who believe we aren't well-equipped with knowledge on various child-rearing topics. Of course, it's a never-ending learning process, but I've become quite the pro when it comes to research, prayer, and educated decision making. We've got this and we've got it good! It is great knowing there is a community of people out there who want what's best for our family/children, even when the approach can rub a pregnant mama the wrong way.
I am so grateful that we live in a country where family size and most of the decisions we make are completely up to us. I'm thankful that I have some of the absolute best people in our corner ~ people who stand behind our actions, even if they are different from their own. I feel blessed beyond measure for the people God has placed in my life and I am incredibly excited for the new life to come that will make a great impact on my own.... in fact, this kidney bean has already made quite the ripple and I am so in love. <3
Do you have a large family? I know that term is relative.... there are families much larger than ours... but if you have a family that is larger than the "norm," I'd love to hear from you! What do you say to the critics? How do you prepare for a new arrival? What do you do to make things work financially? How do you rearrange your home and organize your space to accommodate the new life that will fill that space? These are questions that will always intrigue me. Family will always be a huge interest of mine, especially since the one I have pulls at my heartstrings in ways I never thought possible.
However big or small your family, I pray the Lord blesses you and provides you with the joy and contentment He's given me. Hug your loved ones and don't forget to count your blessings!
~Em
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Our 2014/2015 School Year Plans
It is absolutely ridiculous how often I research homeschool curricula. I must enjoy it, because not much time goes by before I'm looking into something a friend raved about or find myself browsing a website I came across.
The past couple years, we've kept our homeschooling really simple. Really.Simple. I've been taking advantage of a free online curriculum that was put together by a fellow homeschool mom. I love the convenience of just hopping on and not having much preparation involved. I've been supplementing as needed, and I pretty much left everything as the curriculum states~ Easy Peasy. It is wonderful because it is all on the computer and you just print worksheets as you go, or as I often do, print everything a week or two or three in advance.
Now, the reason I'm giving up this "easy peasy" way of schooling for next year is because our entire family has a real computer problem. Well, any form of electronic/battery operated media is a problem. I find that it is too tempting, especially for the older kids who do much of their work on their own, to slip on over to their favorite games (*cough cough* Minecraft) during our school hours. It's very easy for Ms. Mommy to check Facebook as well. Yeah, I'm guilty and I'm just keeping it real. ;) I still plan on using Easy Peasy for a couple of the younger kids' subjects, and possibly for the electives she provides, but for the most part, we're trying to get back to the books. :) I love books.... but that is a topic for another post.
I've completed my wishlist, which very well could be tweaked once... or twenty times before we start our new school year next fall, but I am thrilled with it as of now. We've used most of these programs in the past (and are currently using a couple). There are three that are completely new. I thought I'd be a gem and post links for you to explore if you are trying to find the perfect fit for your family. What works for us may not work for you, but hey, it's worth a little look-see, don't you think? :)
The past couple years, we've kept our homeschooling really simple. Really.Simple. I've been taking advantage of a free online curriculum that was put together by a fellow homeschool mom. I love the convenience of just hopping on and not having much preparation involved. I've been supplementing as needed, and I pretty much left everything as the curriculum states~ Easy Peasy. It is wonderful because it is all on the computer and you just print worksheets as you go, or as I often do, print everything a week or two or three in advance.
Now, the reason I'm giving up this "easy peasy" way of schooling for next year is because our entire family has a real computer problem. Well, any form of electronic/battery operated media is a problem. I find that it is too tempting, especially for the older kids who do much of their work on their own, to slip on over to their favorite games (*cough cough* Minecraft) during our school hours. It's very easy for Ms. Mommy to check Facebook as well. Yeah, I'm guilty and I'm just keeping it real. ;) I still plan on using Easy Peasy for a couple of the younger kids' subjects, and possibly for the electives she provides, but for the most part, we're trying to get back to the books. :) I love books.... but that is a topic for another post.
I've completed my wishlist, which very well could be tweaked once... or twenty times before we start our new school year next fall, but I am thrilled with it as of now. We've used most of these programs in the past (and are currently using a couple). There are three that are completely new. I thought I'd be a gem and post links for you to explore if you are trying to find the perfect fit for your family. What works for us may not work for you, but hey, it's worth a little look-see, don't you think? :)
***Make sure to click on the links I've highlighted for you.***
Programs We'll Continue to Use:
In fact, any number of the kids might be using one of these at this very moment. ;)
Math & Language Arts for the younger kids.
Electives (art, music, health, etc.) for all.
Foreign Language (simple, but opens up a whole new world for the kids)
A family could use this entire program for a stress-free way of schooling. We did.
Math Supplement for kids 1st grade and higher.
This is great for reinforcement and there are videos to teach new concepts, among other things. They offer more than just math (i.e. computer programming, science, economics), but so far we've just used it for math. You know, I'm sure my computer whiz son probably checked out the other stuff as well. Anyway, it's great!
*For Bible, we do devotions as a family out of the Life Application Bible for Students. We just skip over certain topics that the younger kids might not be ready for. I've had a beautiful leather version of this since I was a young teen. In fact, I talked about it here.
Programs We've Used in the Past:
These are a couple of our favorites that we're bringing back next year.
We'll use this for our kids 3rd grade and higher. I love it because your child reads a novel and works through a study guide to sharpen his/her grammar, spelling, and other language skills. It's an enjoyable way to learn, especially for kids who like to get lost in a good book. Most of the books available are classics appropriate to grade level, as well.
We have the Exploring Creation with Astronomy textbook and LOVE it. It is colorful, an easy read (which is important for reading aloud with the family) and includes things like discussion starters and notebooking activities. I will use this book for my K & 1st graders, along with the Jr. Notebooking Journals. The older kids will be studying Botany and General Science with Notebooking Journals suitable to their ages.
Programs Completely New to Us:
I've been keeping my eye on these and am so excited to use them. After much research, reading through reviews, contemplation, and prayer, I've finally come to the conclusion that these are the perfect tools for our family. I will keep you updated as we use them.
This will be our core math curriculum for our kids 1st grade and higher. I'm sure our soon-to-be kindergartener will want in on the action, too. So far, we don't have any math "lovers" in this house. This isn't my strongest subject, and frankly, most of us find it to be incredibly boring. Enter "Life of Fred." From what I've seen, this is going to be an excellent way to bring math to life for our family. Just go to the website... you'll see what I'm talking about. :)
Okay, this is exciting to me. It is a history/geography curriculum that allows the whole family to study together. We'll read the lessons aloud and then do age appropriate activities to help it all sink in. It was written in chronological order and takes you to different parts of the world so that a child can connect points of time in history and compare what was happening in different countries. We will be studying Volume I, and the author combines Biblical and world history within the lessons. So cool!
We're back to multimedia learning. This dude went all out to make history come alive for the whole family. He covers the Holy Land, American History, and Ancient History. Honestly, I want to start purchasing these now because they will be fantastically entertaining! This won't be part of our "hardcore" curriculum, but rather a way to see history in a new light during our family nights... or whenever we feel the urge to watch. The icing on the cake is that they provide downloadable discussion guides. Boom. Done. No need to talk further on this one!
Whether you're starting your planning journey now, testing the waters of the homeschooling life, or are just curious to see what other options are out there, I hope you found this to be somewhat useful. I always appreciate curriculum suggestions, so I thought, what the hey? Might as well pay it forward, right? ;) Happy schooling!!!
~Em
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Where's the Reset Button?
I think most people have questioned their beliefs or their approach to life at least once (or several times). I know I have. I've never doubted God's existence or the reality of salvation through Christ, but I have doubted pretty much every other aspect of my faith at one point or another. Stone me if you wish, but I'm just being honest here.
God is absolutely the Ultimate for me. He is my everything and I am so grateful to have Him in my life. Without him, I wouldn't have gotten through the couple years of absolute darkness I finally broke out of. He and a select few people who truly care saved me from utter destruction. So as I write this, I want it to be clear.... I have never and will never deny my faith in my Creator, my Healer, my Father, my Friend... my Savior. He is so beyond real to me that you could throw all of the pain and sorrow of the world at me, and I will still believe.
That being said, I am so heartbroken and disappointed in the whole of the Christian community lately. I disagree with the approach of many people.... and I disagree with the way I've handled many things myself in the not-too-distant past. Many of us, especially after having gathered together, believe we have the right to climb up on a high horse and throw verses, judgement, and condemnation at people who don't do things the "right" way.
We are so quick to dismiss those who live life differently, that we forget to flipping love them. We condemn them to hell rather than opening up our arms and our hearts to them and just being there for them. We believe every little mishap is a heartbeat shy of demonic possession and we run around trying to cast things out of people, rather than letting them deal with their sin or circumstances in their own way.
We all have the knowledge of good and evil. We also have free will. God did the dirty work when He sent His Son to bear all of our sin and die on the cross to rise again and purify our hearts. Our job isn't to tell everyone how horribly they're acting or how quickly they'd land in hell if they were to die at that very moment. I believe we are meant to love on others. We're meant to share the freedom, grace, mercy, goodness, and love of Jesus. Our approach has been so arrogant, so judgmental. We can't win others for Jesus when we treat them as if they're garbage.
While I'm not going to roll over and agree with all lifestyles, choices, and actions people take, I sure as hell am done looking down my nose at them. I believe God designed me to be a lover. When I point out people's weaknesses or differences, I feel dirty inside. I feel like I'm outing them as a way to hide my own demons. I am not perfect, and am not going to pretend to be. With all of my imperfections comes an understanding of other people's situations.
How is my secret sin any better than someone's obvious sin? How does that give me license to jump down a person's throat when I catch them being "bad"? It isn't and it doesn't. Period.
An example of what I'm talking about would be the big homosexuality debate. There are many opinions on homosexuality. I've been kind of all over the place in my beliefs on this. Unfortunately, I've been that judgmental, snotty Christian. I deeply regret that time in my life. While I'm still trying to figure out exactly where I stand, I know that I no longer view gay people as someone to fix. I don't view myself as any better than them or any more worthy of the love of God. I certainly know for a fact that it is not up to me to tell them who to love, how to live, or what to do about it. It is personal to them.... it is between them and God. God doesn't love them any less than he loves a pastor with a wife and three kids. We should follow His lead.
Another example would be the pro-life/pro-choice debate. I'm obviously pro-life, but I am in no way pro-life in the sense that I'm going to condemn a person for having an abortion. I hurt for them. I hurt for the baby. I don't see that mother as evil. I see her as believing there was no other way out. I wish I could save every pregnancy. I wish I could help every mother financially, emotionally, and spiritually so that there's no question in her mind that she should have her baby. I wish that every woman would see the life growing inside her as an opportunity to bring more good into the world, regardless of whether or not she is the one to raise that baby. The thing is, I'm sick and tired of hearing hateful words spewed at women who made that choice. She can't take it back. I'm sure most women wish they could, but what's done is done and there is absolutely no sense in making matters worse by covering these women with added guilt. If you know someone who's had an abortion, please just love them. You don't have to say a word about it. Just love them.
Those are just two big examples of the situations in which I'm horrified at the behavior of fellow Christians. We are no better than the person next to us. We need to stop acting like we've got our stuff together all the time. We need to start being real and honest about our struggles. We need to understand that just because another person's struggles are different than ours, doesn't mean they are less than. We're all people. We're all just trying to get through this life the best way we know how. We need to cut each other a little slack now and then. We need to extend love and grace to everyone we encounter in our day to day. We especially need to be loving and gracious toward those God has placed in our lives. Don't let your pride cause a family member to walk away. Don't let your need to be right cause broken relationships and broken hearts. Just be love. God is love. We need to be love. BE LOVE.
Are you a living, breathing, feeling human being? Do you believe in God, do you not, or are you still sorting through your beliefs? Are you depressed, anxious, totally at peace? Jesus loves you and so do I.
Are you gay or straight? Are you broken, healed, unscathed? Did you hurt someone or did someone hurt you? Do you struggle with addiction? Jesus loves you and so do I.
Did you commit adultery or are you faithful to your spouse? Did you wish harm on someone or do you feel shunned by another? Do you have regrets? Jesus loves you and so do I.
Are you poor, are you rich? Are you democrat, republican, libertarian, do you not care? Jesus loves you and so do I. Do you get the picture? You are loved, no matter what you've done, no matter who you are. As long as you are walking this earth, you are able to start new if necessary, and you are able to receive God's grace and mercy. You have people in your corner and you are LOVED.
I'm done with hurtful religious ambitions. I'm all about being real, loving on people, and allowing God to work through me with love and compassion. I'm a nobody. I have no credentials, no wisdom beyond what God chooses to gift me, but I am definitely somebody that wants to put a stop to the ridiculous bickering that has taken place. I can't do much beyond sharing my thoughts and feelings on all of this. I can't step much further than just to be that person who extends a caring hand to those around me, but I pray that God will work through all of our hearts to show us how to behave and play well with others. It's time for a real change, don't you think? Now, where's the reset button?
God is absolutely the Ultimate for me. He is my everything and I am so grateful to have Him in my life. Without him, I wouldn't have gotten through the couple years of absolute darkness I finally broke out of. He and a select few people who truly care saved me from utter destruction. So as I write this, I want it to be clear.... I have never and will never deny my faith in my Creator, my Healer, my Father, my Friend... my Savior. He is so beyond real to me that you could throw all of the pain and sorrow of the world at me, and I will still believe.
That being said, I am so heartbroken and disappointed in the whole of the Christian community lately. I disagree with the approach of many people.... and I disagree with the way I've handled many things myself in the not-too-distant past. Many of us, especially after having gathered together, believe we have the right to climb up on a high horse and throw verses, judgement, and condemnation at people who don't do things the "right" way.
We are so quick to dismiss those who live life differently, that we forget to flipping love them. We condemn them to hell rather than opening up our arms and our hearts to them and just being there for them. We believe every little mishap is a heartbeat shy of demonic possession and we run around trying to cast things out of people, rather than letting them deal with their sin or circumstances in their own way.
We all have the knowledge of good and evil. We also have free will. God did the dirty work when He sent His Son to bear all of our sin and die on the cross to rise again and purify our hearts. Our job isn't to tell everyone how horribly they're acting or how quickly they'd land in hell if they were to die at that very moment. I believe we are meant to love on others. We're meant to share the freedom, grace, mercy, goodness, and love of Jesus. Our approach has been so arrogant, so judgmental. We can't win others for Jesus when we treat them as if they're garbage.
While I'm not going to roll over and agree with all lifestyles, choices, and actions people take, I sure as hell am done looking down my nose at them. I believe God designed me to be a lover. When I point out people's weaknesses or differences, I feel dirty inside. I feel like I'm outing them as a way to hide my own demons. I am not perfect, and am not going to pretend to be. With all of my imperfections comes an understanding of other people's situations.
How is my secret sin any better than someone's obvious sin? How does that give me license to jump down a person's throat when I catch them being "bad"? It isn't and it doesn't. Period.
An example of what I'm talking about would be the big homosexuality debate. There are many opinions on homosexuality. I've been kind of all over the place in my beliefs on this. Unfortunately, I've been that judgmental, snotty Christian. I deeply regret that time in my life. While I'm still trying to figure out exactly where I stand, I know that I no longer view gay people as someone to fix. I don't view myself as any better than them or any more worthy of the love of God. I certainly know for a fact that it is not up to me to tell them who to love, how to live, or what to do about it. It is personal to them.... it is between them and God. God doesn't love them any less than he loves a pastor with a wife and three kids. We should follow His lead.
Another example would be the pro-life/pro-choice debate. I'm obviously pro-life, but I am in no way pro-life in the sense that I'm going to condemn a person for having an abortion. I hurt for them. I hurt for the baby. I don't see that mother as evil. I see her as believing there was no other way out. I wish I could save every pregnancy. I wish I could help every mother financially, emotionally, and spiritually so that there's no question in her mind that she should have her baby. I wish that every woman would see the life growing inside her as an opportunity to bring more good into the world, regardless of whether or not she is the one to raise that baby. The thing is, I'm sick and tired of hearing hateful words spewed at women who made that choice. She can't take it back. I'm sure most women wish they could, but what's done is done and there is absolutely no sense in making matters worse by covering these women with added guilt. If you know someone who's had an abortion, please just love them. You don't have to say a word about it. Just love them.
Those are just two big examples of the situations in which I'm horrified at the behavior of fellow Christians. We are no better than the person next to us. We need to stop acting like we've got our stuff together all the time. We need to start being real and honest about our struggles. We need to understand that just because another person's struggles are different than ours, doesn't mean they are less than. We're all people. We're all just trying to get through this life the best way we know how. We need to cut each other a little slack now and then. We need to extend love and grace to everyone we encounter in our day to day. We especially need to be loving and gracious toward those God has placed in our lives. Don't let your pride cause a family member to walk away. Don't let your need to be right cause broken relationships and broken hearts. Just be love. God is love. We need to be love. BE LOVE.
Are you a living, breathing, feeling human being? Do you believe in God, do you not, or are you still sorting through your beliefs? Are you depressed, anxious, totally at peace? Jesus loves you and so do I.
Are you gay or straight? Are you broken, healed, unscathed? Did you hurt someone or did someone hurt you? Do you struggle with addiction? Jesus loves you and so do I.
Did you commit adultery or are you faithful to your spouse? Did you wish harm on someone or do you feel shunned by another? Do you have regrets? Jesus loves you and so do I.
Are you poor, are you rich? Are you democrat, republican, libertarian, do you not care? Jesus loves you and so do I. Do you get the picture? You are loved, no matter what you've done, no matter who you are. As long as you are walking this earth, you are able to start new if necessary, and you are able to receive God's grace and mercy. You have people in your corner and you are LOVED.
I'm done with hurtful religious ambitions. I'm all about being real, loving on people, and allowing God to work through me with love and compassion. I'm a nobody. I have no credentials, no wisdom beyond what God chooses to gift me, but I am definitely somebody that wants to put a stop to the ridiculous bickering that has taken place. I can't do much beyond sharing my thoughts and feelings on all of this. I can't step much further than just to be that person who extends a caring hand to those around me, but I pray that God will work through all of our hearts to show us how to behave and play well with others. It's time for a real change, don't you think? Now, where's the reset button?
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
There Is Hope
Sitting in a puddle of our own tears does us no good. Sometimes we believe we deserve to sulk and feel sorry for ourselves when life keeps kicking us down. Sometimes it's therapeutic to cry, yes, but to wallow in our own misery is a complete waste of time.
I've been getting kicked by life a lot lately. A lot. Seriously, so much that it makes my head spin. Thankfully I've had great support from friends and family, natural supplements, and the Lord by my side or I might have fallen down to that deep, dark depression I lived with before.
I can't say I handle these situations with grace. Most of the time I don't. I let my emotions get the best of me and have to pick myself up and start over for the most part. It isn't fun, starting over. It is emotionally draining to see a pattern of stumbling and failing. The thing I'm incredibly blessed by is the fact that though I've stumbled a lot lately, and though life seems to hate my guts, I'm still functioning. I'm still hopeful. I'm still breathing and full of determination to get myself past these obstacles that have been thrown my way.
It is a good feeling, seeing all the adversity, and knowing everything is going to be alright. It is refreshing not to crawl back into that dark hole and hold on for dear life. Fighting back and pushing forward makes life much more bearable. It makes me feel like a better mom, a better wife, and a better Me.
I know some people who are stuck in the dark cloud of depression. I know how that feels and I hurt for you. I also want you to know that it DOES get better. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't give you a 12-step program to get better. I can't fix you myself. What I can tell you is how I conquered my demons. Maybe some of these things can help you, too. The key to killing the beast is to keep fighting for your life!
My first step in getting through my long bout of depression was to distance myself from the triggers. By "triggers," I mean those people, habits, and places that cause more stress and anxiety than necessary. This is easier said than done, but I highly recommend taking one step at a time and ridding yourself of unnecessary stress. I'm still struggling with ridding myself of certain people and habits, but I'm trying.
My second, which should be the first, unfortunately was an afterthought. I needed to hand it all over to God. As much as I love Him, and as much as I value Who He is to me, I neglected that relationship. I think I was so full of guilt, that I felt unworthy of having a relationship with Him. I loved Him, I prayed to Him, but I also neglected to give my all to Him. Instead of handing over my heartache and accepting His help, I tried to conquer it on my own. I came up short. I failed. I needed Him and I didn't want to admit it.
The third step was to naturally boost my health. I struggle with eating the way I know I should. I have discovered what foods work for me, yet I keep eating those that can trigger episodes of anxiety and moodiness. I used to drink Diet Coke. A lot. Too much to admit to. I knew better. I knew that my brain can't handle the aspartame. I knew that drinking that "poison" as I like to call it, would trigger my anxiety attacks and insomnia. I finally gave up the poison and have benefited greatly. My mind and body work best on a plant based diet, and that is my current goal. I'm striving to cut out the rest of the crap foods I cling to and start embracing those foods that make me the best version of myself. I have also recently discovered some amazing essential oils that have helped me curb those anxiety attacks that try to take over. I LOVE that I can use a natural resource to kick this in the rear, rather than popping pills to mask my symptoms. I never did well on meds anyway.
Those are the biggies for me. I'm sure I've done some other things that have helped me along the way. I know that this will be an ongoing battle, but now I feel I have a good handle on what tools to use and Who to turn to in my times of trouble.
I encourage you to seek out your own ways of enriching your lives. What changes do you need to make to bring true joy and happiness back to your heart? What or who do you need to distance yourself from? What could you add to your day to day? You may have a long road ahead of you to feel at peace, or you may be just around the corner, but I urge you to do whatever it takes to conquer this. You are in my prayers and I am here if you ever need to talk. I understand all too well the hurt of losing hope and the pain caused by fear, doubt, and darkness. If you don't know me personally, or if you don't feel comfortable talking with me, please find someone who understands. And please turn to God. He is your biggest supporter, your most resourceful ally, and your best shot at moving from depression to peace.
As much as I am uncomfortable with giving advice when it comes to things like this, I really feel there are people who need the encouragement and some ideas of how to move from drowning, to treading water, to swimming like a pro. I'm still treading myself, but it is so much better being in a place where I can gasp for air and see the sun shining down on my face. I want this for you... I want this and so much more for you.
~Em
I've been getting kicked by life a lot lately. A lot. Seriously, so much that it makes my head spin. Thankfully I've had great support from friends and family, natural supplements, and the Lord by my side or I might have fallen down to that deep, dark depression I lived with before.
I can't say I handle these situations with grace. Most of the time I don't. I let my emotions get the best of me and have to pick myself up and start over for the most part. It isn't fun, starting over. It is emotionally draining to see a pattern of stumbling and failing. The thing I'm incredibly blessed by is the fact that though I've stumbled a lot lately, and though life seems to hate my guts, I'm still functioning. I'm still hopeful. I'm still breathing and full of determination to get myself past these obstacles that have been thrown my way.
It is a good feeling, seeing all the adversity, and knowing everything is going to be alright. It is refreshing not to crawl back into that dark hole and hold on for dear life. Fighting back and pushing forward makes life much more bearable. It makes me feel like a better mom, a better wife, and a better Me.
I know some people who are stuck in the dark cloud of depression. I know how that feels and I hurt for you. I also want you to know that it DOES get better. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't give you a 12-step program to get better. I can't fix you myself. What I can tell you is how I conquered my demons. Maybe some of these things can help you, too. The key to killing the beast is to keep fighting for your life!
My first step in getting through my long bout of depression was to distance myself from the triggers. By "triggers," I mean those people, habits, and places that cause more stress and anxiety than necessary. This is easier said than done, but I highly recommend taking one step at a time and ridding yourself of unnecessary stress. I'm still struggling with ridding myself of certain people and habits, but I'm trying.
My second, which should be the first, unfortunately was an afterthought. I needed to hand it all over to God. As much as I love Him, and as much as I value Who He is to me, I neglected that relationship. I think I was so full of guilt, that I felt unworthy of having a relationship with Him. I loved Him, I prayed to Him, but I also neglected to give my all to Him. Instead of handing over my heartache and accepting His help, I tried to conquer it on my own. I came up short. I failed. I needed Him and I didn't want to admit it.
The third step was to naturally boost my health. I struggle with eating the way I know I should. I have discovered what foods work for me, yet I keep eating those that can trigger episodes of anxiety and moodiness. I used to drink Diet Coke. A lot. Too much to admit to. I knew better. I knew that my brain can't handle the aspartame. I knew that drinking that "poison" as I like to call it, would trigger my anxiety attacks and insomnia. I finally gave up the poison and have benefited greatly. My mind and body work best on a plant based diet, and that is my current goal. I'm striving to cut out the rest of the crap foods I cling to and start embracing those foods that make me the best version of myself. I have also recently discovered some amazing essential oils that have helped me curb those anxiety attacks that try to take over. I LOVE that I can use a natural resource to kick this in the rear, rather than popping pills to mask my symptoms. I never did well on meds anyway.
Those are the biggies for me. I'm sure I've done some other things that have helped me along the way. I know that this will be an ongoing battle, but now I feel I have a good handle on what tools to use and Who to turn to in my times of trouble.
I encourage you to seek out your own ways of enriching your lives. What changes do you need to make to bring true joy and happiness back to your heart? What or who do you need to distance yourself from? What could you add to your day to day? You may have a long road ahead of you to feel at peace, or you may be just around the corner, but I urge you to do whatever it takes to conquer this. You are in my prayers and I am here if you ever need to talk. I understand all too well the hurt of losing hope and the pain caused by fear, doubt, and darkness. If you don't know me personally, or if you don't feel comfortable talking with me, please find someone who understands. And please turn to God. He is your biggest supporter, your most resourceful ally, and your best shot at moving from depression to peace.
As much as I am uncomfortable with giving advice when it comes to things like this, I really feel there are people who need the encouragement and some ideas of how to move from drowning, to treading water, to swimming like a pro. I'm still treading myself, but it is so much better being in a place where I can gasp for air and see the sun shining down on my face. I want this for you... I want this and so much more for you.
Be blessed and know that along with God, there are people in your corner There are others who have similar struggles. There are friends who understand.
~Em
Monday, March 3, 2014
My Son's Unconditional Love
I have to admit, my parenting skills could use a little sharpening at times. As much as I'd like to be that perfect, patient, tenderhearted mom at all hours, I fall short. Only by the grace of God can I pick myself up, brush myself off and ask forgiveness when needed.
I want what's best for my children. I want them to put their best foot forward. Today, I might not have made my expectations clear and I snapped when I found an unfinished chore. I raised my voice, talked down to the child who obviously didn't fully understand the task, and I immediately felt remorse. I had to put myself in a "mommy time-out" in my room for a few minutes to let myself cry over my lashing out.
Once I composed myself, I went to my child and apologized. I told him that I shouldn't have gotten angry over such a small thing, and that it was very mean of me to yell at him when he did his best. I asked him if he'd forgive me, and he did, with those dreaded, precious tears in his eyes. I held him tight and tried to choke back the sobs that were forcing their way up my throat.
I, the one person who is supposed to protect my children from bullies, had become the bully. I was horrified and heartbroken by my actions. The beautiful thing in all of this, is that my child showed me the love and grace that Jesus extends to us. My son forgave me and loved me, even when I hurt his feelings. He chose to be forgiving and mature and it absolutely makes my heart soar. He forgave me before I could even begin to forgive myself. This, friends, is unconditional love.
While I know that I have much work ahead of me to right this wrong, I know that my precious boy understands that I love him and I would go to the ends of the earth for him. I have yet to meet a perfect parent, but I see so much perfection in the love a child has for his mother. What a great example for all of us! What a great testimony to the work the Lord can do on one's heart. I was in clear need of an attitude adjustment today, and God used my boy to gently show me the way. While painful, it was exactly what I needed.
I can't take back how I reacted today, but I can learn from it and move on, remembering how precious and fragile my children's hearts are. I really couldn't ask for better kids. We're all continually learning and growing in this parent/child relationship. None of us are well seasoned or experienced in this, and I am so blessed to have children with such willing hearts and tremendous patience to grow with.
It's not easy admitting when you've messed up. It's even harder when you share it with people who weren't involved. Know that if you are having a rough go of it, or if you're just trying to get through today, there are others going through similar situations. Allow God to help you through it. He may soften your heart in the most unexpected ways. Open your heart to Him, hear His voice, and forgive yourself for your mistakes. With forgiveness comes joy, and with joy comes hope for a better tomorrow. Be blessed today, friends!!!
~Em
I want what's best for my children. I want them to put their best foot forward. Today, I might not have made my expectations clear and I snapped when I found an unfinished chore. I raised my voice, talked down to the child who obviously didn't fully understand the task, and I immediately felt remorse. I had to put myself in a "mommy time-out" in my room for a few minutes to let myself cry over my lashing out.
Once I composed myself, I went to my child and apologized. I told him that I shouldn't have gotten angry over such a small thing, and that it was very mean of me to yell at him when he did his best. I asked him if he'd forgive me, and he did, with those dreaded, precious tears in his eyes. I held him tight and tried to choke back the sobs that were forcing their way up my throat.
I, the one person who is supposed to protect my children from bullies, had become the bully. I was horrified and heartbroken by my actions. The beautiful thing in all of this, is that my child showed me the love and grace that Jesus extends to us. My son forgave me and loved me, even when I hurt his feelings. He chose to be forgiving and mature and it absolutely makes my heart soar. He forgave me before I could even begin to forgive myself. This, friends, is unconditional love.
While I know that I have much work ahead of me to right this wrong, I know that my precious boy understands that I love him and I would go to the ends of the earth for him. I have yet to meet a perfect parent, but I see so much perfection in the love a child has for his mother. What a great example for all of us! What a great testimony to the work the Lord can do on one's heart. I was in clear need of an attitude adjustment today, and God used my boy to gently show me the way. While painful, it was exactly what I needed.
I can't take back how I reacted today, but I can learn from it and move on, remembering how precious and fragile my children's hearts are. I really couldn't ask for better kids. We're all continually learning and growing in this parent/child relationship. None of us are well seasoned or experienced in this, and I am so blessed to have children with such willing hearts and tremendous patience to grow with.
It's not easy admitting when you've messed up. It's even harder when you share it with people who weren't involved. Know that if you are having a rough go of it, or if you're just trying to get through today, there are others going through similar situations. Allow God to help you through it. He may soften your heart in the most unexpected ways. Open your heart to Him, hear His voice, and forgive yourself for your mistakes. With forgiveness comes joy, and with joy comes hope for a better tomorrow. Be blessed today, friends!!!
~Em
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Hold Close The Ones You Love
This day in age, it's so easy to find little pieces of joy through stories, pictures, and videos found on the internet. My Facebook newsfeed is flooded with many positive posts every day. I lived for those little smiles and for the cleansing tears they would bring. I began to crave the depth and the emotions that would come from reading them.
It's so easy to get caught up in all of that and sort of shut the rest of the world out. It's so easy to focus on the family you live with and neglect your friends and extended family. This past few days have been a real eye opener for me. I've come to realize that I've been living in a bubble with Jeff and the kids, only to come out here and there, so as not to completely dismiss the outside world. I love our little bubble. It's safe and cozy and there's no threat here. There's very little risk in being a family and putting your all into your husband and children.
But, sad to say, in doing this, I have really jipped myself of many blessings and many memories I could have had with friends, cousins, and aunts and uncles. It's not that I haven't had great times in the past few years with some really good people, it's just that I didn't put forth an effort when I should have. I didn't extend nearly as many invitations, or accept those that were extended to me nearly as often as I should have.
My side of the family has been dealing with some tough stuff lately. It really got me thinking about where my priorities lie. Of course, to put my husband and children ahead of the rest is important, but to keep others at such a distance is wrong. While I can't take back the time that is lost, I am going to try my best to make new memories and form even closer bonds with the people I love. I'm going to make more calls, send more texts, and open my door to my loved ones so we can truly get to know one another again.
If you lose someone, your chance is over. I don't want to miss out on that chance with all the wonderful people I have left. I want to take after my Uncle Joe. He has done what he could to keep in touch, and it is inspirational. He sent postcards to his siblings in between visits. Simple, sweet postcards, reminding them that he's thinking of them. I received a couple here and there as well.
My cousin, Heidi, has created a blog dedicated to Uncle Joe and his postcards. His quick little messages, and her beautiful commentary really pulled at my heartstrings. If you'd like to read a bit of what she's posted, please click here to check out the blog. Her "About the Postcard Writer" section is wonderful as well.
As an introvert, I understand the need to keep people at a distance sometimes, just to have those moments of peace and quiet. I've also experienced the ill-effects of completely shutting people out. Now I see just how important it is to hold close the people you care about. Our time here on earth is limited, don't let your life pass you by without living it fully. Don't let the years fly by without creating memories with the people near and dear to your heart. Cherish each moment you have with your loved ones and live life to the fullest.
~Em
It's so easy to get caught up in all of that and sort of shut the rest of the world out. It's so easy to focus on the family you live with and neglect your friends and extended family. This past few days have been a real eye opener for me. I've come to realize that I've been living in a bubble with Jeff and the kids, only to come out here and there, so as not to completely dismiss the outside world. I love our little bubble. It's safe and cozy and there's no threat here. There's very little risk in being a family and putting your all into your husband and children.
But, sad to say, in doing this, I have really jipped myself of many blessings and many memories I could have had with friends, cousins, and aunts and uncles. It's not that I haven't had great times in the past few years with some really good people, it's just that I didn't put forth an effort when I should have. I didn't extend nearly as many invitations, or accept those that were extended to me nearly as often as I should have.
My side of the family has been dealing with some tough stuff lately. It really got me thinking about where my priorities lie. Of course, to put my husband and children ahead of the rest is important, but to keep others at such a distance is wrong. While I can't take back the time that is lost, I am going to try my best to make new memories and form even closer bonds with the people I love. I'm going to make more calls, send more texts, and open my door to my loved ones so we can truly get to know one another again.
If you lose someone, your chance is over. I don't want to miss out on that chance with all the wonderful people I have left. I want to take after my Uncle Joe. He has done what he could to keep in touch, and it is inspirational. He sent postcards to his siblings in between visits. Simple, sweet postcards, reminding them that he's thinking of them. I received a couple here and there as well.
My cousin, Heidi, has created a blog dedicated to Uncle Joe and his postcards. His quick little messages, and her beautiful commentary really pulled at my heartstrings. If you'd like to read a bit of what she's posted, please click here to check out the blog. Her "About the Postcard Writer" section is wonderful as well.
As an introvert, I understand the need to keep people at a distance sometimes, just to have those moments of peace and quiet. I've also experienced the ill-effects of completely shutting people out. Now I see just how important it is to hold close the people you care about. Our time here on earth is limited, don't let your life pass you by without living it fully. Don't let the years fly by without creating memories with the people near and dear to your heart. Cherish each moment you have with your loved ones and live life to the fullest.
~Em
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