You are WORTHY

    I had been spiraling downward for a while now. It could be lack of sleep... running on autopilot... the devil (you know how he likes to jump on our weaknesses)... whatever it may be... I had been losing sight of who I really am.

  Then God used random people and out of the box situations to snap me back to life.  It's funny how He works sometimes, isn't it?  He finds you no matter where you are, and uses whatever He can to teach you and show you just how much He loves you.  He is pretty darn amazing if you ask me!

  I have been struggling with comparison... and not fitting into certain boxes the "majority" want others to fit in.  I was feeling very ugly, unworthy, and unwanted by many many people.

  How my dear husband has put up with me and repeatedly reminded me how beautiful he thinks I am is beyond me.  I would have been pretty darn sick of his down in the dumps attitude if the tables were turned.  Just bein' honest here. ;) He definitely has rock solid patience, that one.  Love you, Jeff. <3

  Anyway, there have been a few people and a few situations that have really lifted my spirits and brought me out of that place of self-loathing.  I'm not completely to the place of self-love... I do still have flaws I want to change... or need to change, but I'm remembering that I AM worthy and that God loves me right where I am, He loves me for WHO I am, and that brings me such joy.

  This cycle is a constant battle in my life.  It has led to some serious depression at times.  It has led to lost friendships.  It has led to unnecessary stress in our home.  There are some bulky chains that NEED to be broken, and I am so thankful that God has carried me to a place where I can see that and start working on chipping away at my shackles.

  I want to encourage you if you're in a place of self-loathing, unworthiness, restlessness, comparison, jealousy, sadness whatever it may be...  YOU... yes YOU are worthy.  You are loved.  Even if you feel that your entire support system has vanished... YOU are LOVED by Someone who is far greater, far better than any human being could ever be. YOU are LOVED by the CREATOR... YOU are LOVED by a GOD who sacrificed EVERYTHING to SAVE you.  YOU are LOVED by the ONLY ONE who can bring you true PEACE and JOY.

  So if you feel alone, know that you're not alone.  If you feel lost, know that HE knows exactly where you are...He sees you and He is opening His arms to you.  Allow Him to embrace you and heal you.

  I'm not sharing my struggles to bring you down or to make you feel sorry for me.  I've done enough of that on my own. ;)  I share my story because you need to see that no matter how many times you lose sight of what GOD has for you... what HE sees in you.... no matter how many times you lose your way.... He is ALWAYS there to bring you back to the path He carved out for you.  He is ALWAYS there to remind you of how WORTHY and BEAUTIFUL and LOVED you are.  Turn to Him.  Always.

Lots of love and prayers for you, my friends.  We are in this thing called LIFE together... with a GOD who can move mountains... we've got this!!!! xoxo

~Em

Shifting Focus

    I've been thinking a lot lately about priorities.  I've been feeling the pull one way or another to up my focus... I've experienced guilt trips from others, from myself, from society's norms.  I allowed these to bring me down.  I've allowed the thoughts and opinions of others, and even my negative opinions of myself to swallow me whole.

  It is a struggle for most to keep from making idols of those things that are important to them.  Whether it be their marriage, children, careers, keeping up with their looks, finding approval and respect from friends and strangers alike, and the list goes on...  I know I'm guilty of putting much of this at the very top of my list, only to find that my relationship with Jesus keeps inching down the line.

   For me, my biggest struggle has been knowing that I don't measure up in a multitude of areas in my life.  I may be the best I can be in certain areas, but I've let comparison steal my joy.  I've let the gaps and imperfections become the stars of my thoughts while Jesus sits quietly waiting for me to remember Him... all that He is to me, all that He's done for me, all that He has for me, and all that I can be through Him.

    When we start focusing on the things the world dictates as important and worthy of our utmost attention, we lose focus on what is true, what is right, what is real.  We look away from our Savior, and begin sinking into those rough waters we once walked on when our eyes were on Him. We try to become our own saviors.... we think we can do it alone... we put too much faith in ourselves and end up failing miserably.

    I haven't forgotten about my Best Friend, but I surely haven't been the friend He deserves.  I notice that every time I turn away even the slightest bit, the weight of it begins to darken my spirit.  Depression starts tying that noose around my neck.  Anger bubbles up and begins to boil over.  Sadness drowns me in my own tears.  Defeat throws me into that black hole and repeatedly buries me in my own guilt.

    I can't do life on my own.  I can't do life by putting all my faith in my husband or children.  I can't do life by putting all my hope in my friends. I can't do life by believing my successes will bring me true happiness. None of us can.  If we live that way, if we consistently look for saving in all the wrong places we are absolutely fooling ourselves.  We can only thrive with Jesus.

    There will be periods of time where my focus is shifted.  I'll feel on top of the world.  I'll think I have it all and that nothing will stop me.  How naive.  How utterly silly.  All the good, all the glorious things that happen to me, don't happen because of me.  They don't happen because I am worthy.  They happen because Jesus wants good things for me.  How dare I put myself on a pedestal and expect not to tumble under pressure.  How dare I force that sort of worship and praise onto my loved ones, who will never measure up to the perfection that is my Savior.

    I'm not perfect.  I never will be.  I don't know much... and the more I learn, the more I realize that I have not even breached the surface.... but I do know, from my little experience in this world, that I need Jesus.  There's no way around it.  The world's measure of success should mean absolutely nothing to me.  I could mold myself to be much more beautiful, poised, and successful if I really put my mind to it... I believe we all have that drive in us... but all the beauty, money, and adoration.... that's all pale in comparison to what my heart could be if I put my all into growing in the Lord and living a sold out life for HIM.

    That's not to say that we can't be beautiful, successful, or well-loved by others.  Obviously those things are great.... until they become our number one priorities.  All is good and well with our souls until we eagerly gift them to our idols. It's so easy to do this without realizing we've pushed the Lord aside.... we must reel in our thoughts and actions... hold them captive... and direct them toward the One who deserves all of our attention and praise.

    If you're struggling to keep your priorities straight... if you feel the need to shift your focus back on Jesus, know that I am in your corner.  I'm praying for you and your walk with Him.  Will you do the same for me?  I believe this thing called "life" is meant to be lived with joy... we're meant to appreciate the blessings God has given us... but we can so easily take those blessings and make idols of them if we're not careful.  Let's strive to keep our Savior in the spotlight.  The rest of it, however precious must never be more than the supporting cast.... or, in some cases, the backstage crew. ;)

    I know my thoughts are jumbled up and came out in one big mess, but I hope you can sense my intention and know my heart in this matter.  I have messed up royally, so I see the urgency in setting things straight... I hope that you are able to learn from my experience: the importance of Jesus being your #1.  Much love to you, friends.  Hold me accountable, and if you wish, I will do my best to do the same for you! xoxo

~Em

Drop It and Walk Away

    I had maybe an hour of sleep last night.  There are so many things tugging at my heart... at my mind... at my conscience.  I just can't shut down long enough to be blessed with a few hours of rest from this exhausting world and all it throws at me.

    It's no secret that I've been in a major funk lately.  The past few weeks, especially, have been quite rough.  I'm nowhere near being depressed... I've just been.... stuck.  I've been feeling like a failure, and have been mentally punishing myself for all of my shortcomings.  I've been allowing anxiety to take over at night again.  I've been taking little strolls with self-doubt and pity.  As much as it pains me to admit all of this, it is true... but I must admit it to myself, most importantly, if I want to move forward, and away from this unhealthy frame of mind.

    I completely dropped the ball in my walking challenge.  I don't even want to think about the amount of miles I need to make up to get back on track.  Yes, as freeing as it was to throw away my scale... I realized I threw much more than that weeks prior to my act of rebellion.  Not only was I flipping the bird to society with my little scale removal... I was taking it too far by not bothering to keep up with the whole point of my walking challenge... energy... health... vitality.  So I am picking up where I left off, and am praying I don't come across any more ruts...at least not weeks-long ruts like this doozy of a mistake.

   I'm struggling with balance... family, my quest to find the healthiest version of myself, my home-based business, time spent with God, and what are friends, even????  I need to learn how to juggle, and fast, because if I keep dropping the ball, eventually one or a few might just roll right away.

    When I fail myself, I feel like I'm failing everyone around me.  I judge myself so hardcore... and I find myself believing that everyone is seeing me through my rusty, distorted lenses.  Perhaps some people do see me that way... but that's none of my business.  I shouldn't worry about what others think... especially those whose opinions hold little value in my life.  The real kicker is that I feel I'm often failing Jesus.  I know He forgives me... I know He loves me, despite my many, many shortcomings... but I SO desire to please Him, and I just can't seem to get it right.  I know I'll never be perfect, but dang it, sometimes I wanna be. ;)

    All of this ho-hum, down in the dumps talk did have a purpose... I got it off my chest... I released it... and I made myself vulnerable and relatable to those who may need to see that when they feel like complete failures, they aren't alone.  We all go through it.  Some more often than others, but we all have degrees of setbacks and brokenness, just the same.

    The most important step... above acknowledging the problem... talking about it... crying through it... relating over it... the most important step is dropping it at Jesus' feet and walking away from it.  Or you could run.... whatever gives you distance from your struggle.  Whatever sets you free.  Just leave it with Him, let Him handle it, and find the peace and joy in your new-found freedom.

    I think I'll try to get a couple more hours of sleep now that I've ditched that excess baggage.  Good night. <3

~Em

   

Midnight Prayers

    As I was cleaning out my junk drawer yesterday, I came across a little book that somehow got tossed in there without a second thought.  So I decided to read it.  It is a book about praying for your children.

    I started reading it last night, but tonight I really dug in.  This book has bridged the obviously present gap between the Lord and I.  Yes, I admit, I haven't been seeking Him the way I should lately.  So as I'm reading this book, I'm having many little revelations and confirmations coming at me.  It was all good and well... I knew there were changes I needed to make, prayers I needed to pray, work I needed to do.

    Then, the second I read a particular verse on a particular page, my world was opened up tremendously, and I saw things so clearly.  I'm not sure how many times I've read this verse throughout my life... and I'm sure I've never read it in the translation that was presented... but this verse... this verse was fresh and new and mind-blowing to me tonight.

Rise during the night and cry out.  

Pour out your hearts like water to the Lord.

Lift up your hands to Him in prayer,

pleading for your children... 

LAMENTATIONS 2:19 NLT

    Sometimes, we can skim over a verse and feel as if we got nothing out of it.  Sometimes, we receive new revelations each time we read a verse... depending on what the Lord has for us in that season of our lives.  That is the beauty of believing in a LIVING GOD and reading a LIVING WORD.  

    As I read this verse tonight, it all came crashing over me like a soul-cleansing wave.  I used to suffer from panic attacks in the night.  Really scary, out of the blue panic attacks.  I've had a handful the past year or so, but nothing like they used to be.  In those moments, the ONLY thing that could bring me down... back to reality... and peace... was prayer.  

    I would start by asking God to rescue me from my situation...and as I felt myself calm down, my mind would turn to others I could pray over... my husband, my children, my friends and relatives and random people who came to the surface as I spoke.  

    Now, I'm not saying God sent me into a panic, but I am saying that He took what was a scary and painful situation, and He turned it into something beautiful, purifying, and peace-filled.  He turned my thoughts away from my anxiety and toward intercession on behalf of those who may have needed that very prayer in that very moment.  

    I often hear from Him the most in the middle of the night... when all is calm and quiet. That is when my mind is free from distraction and ready to listen.  So to read this verse tonight, it all came full circle, and completely confirmed that my late night prayers don't need to stem from panic or fear... my late night prayers can happen nightly, and calmly... or fervently depending on the situation.  My prayers can begin because I choose to pray, and not because I'm finding a way to escape a confusing and somewhat terrifying mind game.  

  I've been somewhat closed off, whether by accident or deep down intention, to my intimate relationship with Jesus, and I am so glad that He could reach out to me through this book... through this seemingly random occurrence... so that I can find complete peace in Him once more.  

    Sometimes, we fleshly humans mess up and cause what should be such a rewarding and fulfilling relationship to become complicated and messy.  Let me tell you, it is no fault of our Creator.  He is perfect and steadfast and so in love with us that it completely boggles my mind in the best sort of way.  He has forgiven me for my lack of communication... for my mistakes along the way, and I am forever grateful that He will do it time and time again. 

    I pray that my testimony can bring you peace, revelation, and hope in your own life.  Whether or not you're a parent, whether you're new in your walk with the Lord, or have been holding His hand your entire life... I pray that He speaks to you however you need Him to through my words.  I pray that He allows you to grab from this small story, a piece of confirmation... even if it has very little to do with my situation.  I pray that you open your heart to hear His voice, and that you allow Him to cover you in His goodness and grace.  

Be blessed tonight, and rest in Him.

~Em

  

Real Talk

I haven't felt like writing in a while. Truthfully, it's been a challenge to juggle all the responsibilities that are on my plate right now, and blogging was one of the last things I wanted to do.  It's hard to want to encourage others when you yourself feel like you don't have it all together. So I apologize for that, because I really do believe that when you are having a rough go of it, or even if things are good, but life is busy, it's so important to keep up with the connections and find strength in your friendships.

I tend to close myself off to pretty much everyone when I'm down and out.  I guess calling what I'm dealing with "down and out" is too harsh.  I'm happy.... just overwhelmed with life, if that makes sense.  I guess I just need to sit down and rate my priorities, set some boundaries, and see what changes need to be made to get me to a place where I am no longer overwhelmed, but overjoyed with my schedule and the activities set in place for my family (and myself).

I'm not here to complain, just to be real, because I know that there isn't a whole lot of real these days.  Not the real that can be encouraging anyway.  So I aim to encourage not only the people who read this post, but myself as well.  We always get through these times.  We always find the balance once more.  The balance will become topsy turvy again, and then we will do what we need to to set it straight for the umpteenth time.  It's just a part of life.

There are so many exciting things happening for our kids, especially.  We've been enjoying homeschool co-op.  I have no idea how we pushed through without such a connection the past couple years, but we are absolutely loving this great group of homeschoolers and all the fun we have with them every other week.  The kids just tried Awana for the first time the other night.  The girls LOVED it and the boys need to warm up to the idea a bit more.  I think they had much more fun than they let on.  They were just being tough and manly about their enthusiasm. ;)

We've got all the holidays coming up, as you know, so there is so much fun in store.  Wesson has a birthday....which could be the very reason I'm in a funk lately.  I don't want my baby to graduate to the next chapter in life... not yet anyway. haha

We're looking to move soon.  Hopefully by spring.  If we don't move before the dead of winter, then we'll stay put until moving makes sense again.  This is another thing that is weighing heavy on me.  I feel so unsettled.  I've always felt that way to a degree.  I'm not sure what it feels like to be at complete peace with where we live and to truly feel "at home" in any given house.  I hope that I can experience that feeling when we finally find our next home.  We definitely know what we do and don't want at this point in our lives.  We've moved a LOT and we've lived in many types of homes on many types of properties.  Where we are now is most definitely NOT where we want to settle.  Not that I have license to complain.  I have a pretty kitchen, my own bathroom, and the fact that we have a roof over our heads means we're crazy blessed.  So my first world problems should probably shut their yap.

I think that maybe my problem is that I'm struggling to dream, and dreaming is just a huge part of who I am and what I do.  It's how I've always been.  I've always been a dreamer and a planner.  I need to find that bit of hope... hope that the dreams Jeff and I have for our family are just around the corner.  I really don't have big dreams, but they have been just out of reach for so long, that I'm struggling to believe we'll grab hold of them at all.  How depressing am I being right now, really? lol

Anyway, I know that most people have felt this way at one point or another, and I know that challenges will come up time and time again. We just need to remember to adjust our focus.  We need to fix our eyes on Jesus, and let Him lead us through the rough waters.  We need to TRUST that everything will work out for the good, because God wants good for us.

So many things are coming against me and my mission to keep that dreaded depression monster at bay.  I know a lot of people would say to get over it or to do such and such to snap out of it, but I'm sorry to say, that's just not how it works for those of us who truly struggle with this regularly.  I went for so long without these feelings trying to creep back in, but this is a fight I'm in the midst of... right now... at this very moment.

The darkness hasn't taken over.  I'm on the edge, but I'm fighting a good fight.  I'm pouring all of my energy into the positive things in my life ~ my husband, my kids, my love for my YL business, the new friendships I'm absolutely geeked over, the positive changes that have been improving my family's life bit by bit.  I'm doing my best to shake the monster off my back and jump back into life all happy-go-lucky and bubbly-like.

I think a lot of this is postpartum nonsense.  Seriously, guys.... postpartum recovery in my thirties is a sloooooow process compared to the last four babes I had.  The fatigue (maybe having to do with the fact that my baby still wakes around the clock), the brain fog, the sloth-paced movements my body makes.... it all adds up and I am struggling not to get down on myself for not bouncing back right away.

I don't seek out sympathy, or advice.  I've been here before.  :)  I just want to be honest and real and raw and show you that even those of us who thrive when encouraging our friends... those of us who live to brighten someone's day.... even we have our rough seasons.  Even we find the need to step back and just "be" for a while.  I rarely find myself in a position where I feel like I'm 100% on top of life.  Okay... I never do.... and I rarely come close.  It's just what it is.  Life isn't easy, and we all have our burdens to carry and our battles to fight.  This is just a little glimpse into mine.

So now that you see I haven't conquered life on earth and destroyed the imperfections, I want to come back around to that ray of sunshine I strive to be for you.  I know that things will get better.  I've lived through this sort of thing time and time again.  I know that I will not allow the darkness to swallow me up like I did a few years ago.  I know that I am much stronger today than I was back then.  AND, most importantly, I know that if you have connected with anything I've shared tonight, YOU TOO can beat this!  You too CAN pull through.

I am praying for my friends who are going through similar situations.  My heart is aching for those who have it worse.  I am lifting you all up and handing you all over to the ONE and ONLY ONE who can wash away your pain, your stress, your sorrow... He is going to carry you through.  I promise.

Love to you all, and thank you to those of you who have always been supportive of me... in my good times and bad.  You mean the world to me.  You know exactly who you are!  <3

Lots of love,
Em

Starting Our Day the Right Way

Don't Give Up ~ PRAY

    As I sat on my couch this morning, scrolling through Facebook on my phone, I became discouraged by the many posts that reminded me of the direction in which our country is headed.  We're losing our freedoms, bit by bit.  Riots happen left and right.  Political arguments become so heated that friendships can't survive the pressure.  We are a nation divided over every.little.thing and it absolutely breaks my heart.

    I wanted to give up on this country.  I have for a while.  I was losing all hope that things would ever change for the better.  As I sat there, scrolling, sulking, and sipping on my coffee, the wind picked up a bit outside my window, and my neighbor's flag started waving at me, as if to say, "Don't give up.  PRAY."

    You see, it is easy to head for the hills when things go wrong, especially when it comes to wanting to protect your family from threats that could pop that safe, happy bubble that surrounds them.  I wanted to run... I know that much.  The problem is, when you run.... you are motivated by fear.  The Bible tells us not to fear.  The Bible tells us to cast all our cares upon Jesus.  He is so powerful, so mighty, and loves all of us so much.

    While I will continue to fight for my freedoms, and stand up for what I believe in, I need to remember to pray like crazy for our country.  A country that has incredible potential.  A country that blesses us more than we understand, even in the midst of division, corrupt power, and battles of all kinds.  We must love the land we live in, through thick and thin.  We must pray for our people, our government (no matter how hard that may be for some of us, *cough cough*), and especially the generation who will take over after us.

    I will not operate out of fear.  I will defend my family and our rights.  I will stand up against the things that threaten our freedoms, but I will not run.  I will pray.  I will pray without ceasing, because I owe that to the country I call "home."

    Political unrest, mommy wars, disease, earthquakes, riots, lions, tigers, and bears have NOTHING over the power of the ONE who holds us in His hands.  He wants good for us.  Bring your fears and concerns to His feet.  Set them down, look into His eyes, cling to that comfort only He can provide, and find that peace that He so lovingly put into my heart today.  While the world erupts in chaos all around us, there is a calm when we put our trust in Jesus.

~Em

Where God Leads

  My son Hayden (12) recently went on his very first mission trip with my dad and a great group of people to West Virginia.  There were many jobs to fill, and many blessings for the local people that week~ a sports camp for kids, all sorts of classes (i.e. sewing), deck building, you name it.

  Hayden was placed exactly where his gifts lie.  He helped in a computer class with a top-notch computer programmer, and he was even able to assist an executive chef (from a very successful, very expensive restaurant in Miami) with dinner one night.  Two of his greatest loves were combined to not only bless his own socks off that week, but to in turn, bless others.

  When we think of ministry, we often believe we must be outgoing public speakers, or that we must have talents of all sorts to do any good for anyone.  I've missed the call several times because of my reservations, or my belief that I am lacking in some way.  Hayden taught me an invaluable lesson through his experience:  when God calls you to go, you go!

  He had a bit of hesitation at first, not knowing what he was getting into, but that didn't stop him from obeying that call.  He went, and in turn was blessed to serve in ways that fit his talents perfectly.  Those of you who know Hayden know just how smart he is when it comes to computers and how creative he can be in the kitchen.  God wanted his willing heart to be blessed and to be encouraged to continue doing His work.  He showed Hayden what an incredible honor it can be to use our God-given gifts and talents for His kingdom.

  He has memories and stories that will last him a lifetime.  If he dismissed that call, he would have missed out on an incredibly pivotal moment in his life.  He wouldn't have impacted the people he met and he wouldn't have learned the lessons he learned had he stayed home, in his comfort zone.

  God might call some of us to minister in our home town.  He may call some of us to go to the ends of the earth.  He might ask you to go far beyond your comfort zone, or to minister right where you are, in your field of expertise.  He will use your gifts, and He may ask you to go beyond your gifts at times.  Will you listen?  Will you go where He leads?

  Don't miss out on great opportunities and experiences in life because you're not sure God has your best interest at heart.  That is exactly what we're saying when we say "no" to Him.... that we think we know better.  God always knows best and will never lead us astray.  Follow His lead and you will impact the world, one person or thousands at a time, steering them toward His love and mercy.

Grandfather and Grandson, safe at home after a life-changing week.

By the Grace of God

  Are you one of those people who is constantly learning the same lessons over and over and over again?  No?  Well, I am, and let me tell you... it is *grits teeth* so fun!  I find myself taking one step forward and two steps back much of the time.  Will I ever learn?

  You would think that as much as I journal and blog and what have you, that I'd  work through my hang-ups and be so on top of my life, but SURPRISE!  I'm not.  lol  I have people message me, under the assumption that I've got my stuff together, and it's quite the shocker to know that I struggle just as much as the next guy.  The bits of wisdom I have gained are from years of falling and getting back up, only to fall again.  Much of the time, I don't listen to my own advice.

  How do you get through life when you keep screwing it up for yourself?  Five words: By the Grace of God!  That's it.  One lesson I've learned and know well is that it is nothing I do that brings success... it is everything God does.  This realization has helped me by leaps and bounds.

  I've been struggling in a couple areas a LOT lately, and thank the Lord I haven't been pounded to the ground by these issues.  One struggle is my need to keep everyone happy.  I've touched on this on my personal page quite a bit, and have received many notes of encouragement and tidbits of wisdom on how to bust through this hurdle.  I want to be that listening ear, that friendly hug, and that bit of encouragement to everyone I come across, and sometimes I struggle to see when it's time to hand over the torch and let someone else (ahem, God) take the lead.  Other people's problems often weigh heavy on me and I become no good to anyone.  This isn't healthy at all.  I need to be in a good place for my husband and children, and for myself.  I'm still searching for that balance, and thankfully, by the Grace of God, I'm making progress, one step at a time.

  Another example of one of my struggles is that I tend to shut down when I notice my failures.  I am a pro at beating myself up when I am a less than perfect mother, wife, daughter, sister, or friend.  I start to notice every little mistake I make and I all but give up.  These incidents are few and far between, but when it happens, I am once again no good to anybody.  I've had that moment recently, and while most would chalk it up to all the extra hormones flowing through me, I know better than to use my pregnancy as a scapegoat.

  When I come up against these challenges, roadblocks, or mistakes, it is a big clue that I haven't been in the Word enough.  It's a good sign that God has more work to do in me and I need to open up my heart to Him and hear what He has to share.  I'm not saying life is perfect when I'm reading the Bible and spending time with Him every day, but it is most definitely clear when I'm not giving enough of my time to the One who loves me most.

  So I'm challenging myself this month to strive at a deeper relationship with my Savior.  I am going to set aside time every day to be still and just listen.  I'm going to dig into the Word, worship more, praise Him more and allow Him to do a good work in me.  If you'd like to do the same, I'd love to chat with you and find a way to keep each other accountable to our commitments.

  I'm not usually so preachy sounding here on my blog... I try to make my posts relatable to everyone, even those who haven't had much exposure to Christ, but this is necessary for me, and I feel it is necessary for some of my friends. Don't worry, I don't have anyone specific in mind, so if this is speaking to you, you are safe... I haven't a clue! ;)

  I want everyone I know to be blessed by Christ as I have been.  The imperfections in my relationship with Him are all on me.  He is never-changing.  He is always there.  He is absolutely perfect in every way, so any flaws that squeeze their way into our fellowship are my own doing.  When I return to Him, He is always there with open arms.  Have you felt a warmth in your core that has brought you to tears?  I want that for you.  Those good, cleansing tears... the ones you cry when you feel at home, when you finally feel at peace.  That is what He gives me and so much more.

  It is by God's grace that I am not only surviving this live here on earth, but thriving in this life.  It is the Grace of God that holds my family together like glue.  It is by the Grace of God that I can get up every morning, face the day, no matter what comes, and go to bed at night knowing I am loved and loved well.

  If you want to know more about what God can do for you, and how a relationship with Him can change your life, crack open a Bible and start reading.  You can always message me.  I am an imperfect friend, but I will do my best to share what God has done for me, so that you in turn can have hope and encouragement to pursue a real, everlasting relationship with Him.

  Be blessed and let God's love and grace wash over you as you walk through this imperfect life.  Love you all!

~Em

Where's the Reset Button?

  I think most people have questioned their beliefs or their approach to life at least once (or several times).  I know I have.  I've never doubted God's existence or the reality of salvation through Christ, but I have doubted pretty much every other aspect of my faith at one point or another.  Stone me if you wish, but I'm just being honest here.

  God is absolutely the Ultimate for me.  He is my everything and I am so grateful to have Him in my life.  Without him, I wouldn't have gotten through the couple years of absolute darkness I finally broke out of. He and a select few people who truly care saved me from utter destruction.  So as I write this, I want it to be clear.... I have never and will never deny my faith in my Creator, my Healer, my Father, my Friend... my Savior.  He is so beyond real to me that you could throw all of the pain and sorrow of the world at me, and I will still believe.

  That being said, I am so heartbroken and disappointed in the whole of the Christian community lately.  I disagree with the approach of many people.... and I disagree with the way I've handled many things myself in the not-too-distant past.  Many of us, especially after having gathered together, believe we have the right to climb up on a high horse and throw verses, judgement, and condemnation at people who don't do things the "right" way.

  We are so quick to dismiss those who live life differently, that we forget to flipping love them.  We condemn them to hell rather than opening up our arms and our hearts to them and just being there for them.  We believe every little mishap is a heartbeat shy of demonic possession and we run around trying to cast things out of people, rather than letting them deal with their sin or circumstances in their own way.

  We all have the knowledge of good and evil.  We also have free will.  God did the dirty work when He sent His Son to bear all of our sin and die on the cross to rise again and purify our hearts.  Our job isn't to tell everyone how horribly they're acting or how quickly they'd land in hell if they were to die at that very moment.  I believe we are meant to love on others.  We're meant to share the freedom, grace, mercy, goodness, and love of Jesus.  Our approach has been so arrogant, so judgmental.  We can't win others for Jesus when we treat them as if they're garbage.

  While I'm not going to roll over and agree with all lifestyles, choices, and actions people take, I sure as hell am done looking down my nose at them.  I believe God designed me to be a lover.  When I point out people's weaknesses or differences, I feel dirty inside.  I feel like I'm outing them as a way to hide my own demons.  I am not perfect, and am not going to pretend to be.  With all of my imperfections comes an understanding of other people's situations.

  How is my secret sin any better than someone's obvious sin?  How does that give me license to jump down a person's throat when I catch them being "bad"?  It isn't and it doesn't.  Period.

  An example of what I'm talking about would be the big homosexuality debate. There are many opinions on homosexuality.  I've been kind of all over the place in my beliefs on this.  Unfortunately, I've been that judgmental, snotty Christian.  I deeply regret that time in my life.  While I'm still trying to figure out exactly where I stand, I know that I no longer view gay people as someone to fix.  I don't view myself as any better than them or any more worthy of the love of God.  I certainly know for a fact that it is not up to me to tell them who to love, how to live, or what to do about it.  It is personal to them.... it is between them and God.  God doesn't love them any less than he loves a pastor with a wife and three kids.  We should follow His lead.

  Another example would be the pro-life/pro-choice debate.  I'm obviously pro-life, but I am in no way pro-life in the sense that I'm going to condemn a person for having an abortion.  I hurt for them.  I hurt for the baby.  I don't see that mother as evil.  I see her as believing there was no other way out.  I wish I could save every pregnancy.  I wish I could help every mother financially, emotionally, and spiritually so that there's no question in her mind that she should have her baby.  I wish that every woman would see the life growing inside her as an opportunity to bring more good into the world, regardless of whether or not she is the one to raise that baby.  The thing is, I'm sick and tired of hearing hateful words spewed at women who made that choice.  She can't take it back.  I'm sure most women wish they could, but what's done is done and there is absolutely no sense in making matters worse by covering these women with added guilt.  If you know someone who's had an abortion, please just love them.  You don't have to say a word about it.  Just love them.

  Those are just two big examples of the situations in which I'm horrified at the behavior of fellow Christians.  We are no better than the person next to us.  We need to stop acting like we've got our stuff together all the time.  We need to start being real and honest about our struggles.  We need to understand that just because another person's struggles are different than ours, doesn't mean they are less than.  We're all people.  We're all just trying to get through this life the best way we know how.  We need to cut each other a little slack now and then.  We need to extend love and grace to everyone we encounter in our day to day.  We especially need to be loving and gracious toward those God has placed in our lives.  Don't let your pride cause a family member to walk away.  Don't let your need to be right cause broken relationships and broken hearts.  Just be love.  God is love.  We need to be love.  BE LOVE.

  Are you a living, breathing, feeling human being?  Do you believe in God, do you not, or are you still sorting through your beliefs? Are you depressed, anxious, totally at peace? Jesus loves you and so do I.
  Are you gay or straight?  Are you broken, healed, unscathed?  Did you hurt someone or did someone hurt you?   Do you struggle with addiction? Jesus loves you and so do I.
  Did you commit adultery or are you faithful to your spouse?  Did you wish harm on someone or do you feel shunned by another? Do you have regrets? Jesus loves you and so do I.
  Are you poor, are you rich? Are you democrat, republican, libertarian, do you not care?  Jesus loves you and so do I.  Do you get the picture?  You are loved, no matter what you've done, no matter who you are.  As long as you are walking this earth, you are able to start new if necessary, and you are able to receive God's grace and mercy.  You have people in your corner and you are LOVED.

  I'm done with hurtful religious ambitions.  I'm all about being real, loving on people, and allowing God to work through me with love and compassion.  I'm a nobody.  I have no credentials, no wisdom beyond what God chooses to gift me, but I am definitely somebody that wants to put a stop to the ridiculous bickering that has taken place.  I can't do much beyond sharing my thoughts and feelings on all of this. I can't step much further than just to be that person who extends a caring hand to those around me, but I pray that God will work through all of our hearts to show us how to behave and play well with others.  It's time for a real change, don't you think?  Now, where's the reset button?

Be Present in the Present

  

  I'm always looking to the future.  I look forward to what is to come.  Often, I find that I'm neglectful of the present when planning, dreaming, and hoping for a great future.  I feel like the Lord purposefully gives me tiny glimpses for what is to come so that I don't completely forget what is in the here and now.

  For example, about a year and a half ago, God placed Louisiana on my heart.  In this instance, the tiny glimpses came one right after another.  Instead of waiting on Him to show me the way, I began researching like crazy.  Of course, He knew I'd do this, so He used it to show me more than I would have seen had I not hopped on the Internet.  While we are still here in good ol' Michigan, I do believe the day will come that we will pack up, leave this Mitten and head down to that boot-shaped state.

  Looking back, I see that God gave me a head start.  A really, really long head start.  He knew that when He planted Louisiana in my heart I would obsess, worry, and plan like the rigid planner I am.  For a while, I forgot to live in the here and now.  I was physically in Michigan, but my mind was in the swampy south.  I became anxious because I was trying to take all of that into my own hands.  I wanted to make the move happen when I wanted it to happen.  Clearly, those weren't God's plans.  He didn't place Louisiana on my heart for me to uproot my family and run away from where I was.  He wants us to go there on His terms and in His timing.  I still find myself guessing when that will be.  "Oh, I'm sure it's at least 10 years down the road," or sometimes I'll say, "We might move a year from now."  I can really sound like a crazy person.  I need to give control back to God and let Him call the shots.  If He has us move there tomorrow, we're going to do it.  If the move isn't meant to happen until all of our kids are grown, we will wait.  God's timing is much more simple than we make it out to be.  We're the ones who complicate it by trying to take over.

  I believe He put Louisiana on my heart when He did not only to prepare me, but to heal me during a really confusing and dark time in my life.  He wanted to give me hope for my family's future.  He wanted to give me something to grasp on to when I felt I was sinking faster and faster by the minute.  Sometimes, in our dark and hopeless seasons, we forget that time moves forward.  Sometimes we think that the place we're in is where we'll be until the day we die.  We so desperately want out of our situation that we forget to wait on God and His almighty plan for our lives and the lives of our loved ones.

  Another example from my own life, and I've touched on this before, is Jeff's and my desire to leave our family size up to God.  This was a HUGE step for me.  Things like this seem to come a lot easier to Jeff.  I guess he's just more trusting than I.  I thought I was done birthing babies.  I didn't feel fit to parent more than four children.  I struggled with comparing myself to other moms, especially my own, and saw that I fall short in so many ways.

 Being the "all or nothing" kind of gal, when we decided that maybe we weren't done growing our family, I thought I should turn that "maybe" into a "definitely."  Conceiving always came easy to us, so it wasn't that we were actively trying, but in my mind, since we stopped preventing, I should have been pregnant that first month.  That's how it always worked before.

  A couple months went by and the only morning sickness I experienced was in my head.  I started looking around at all these women I know who were pregnant.  Some by accident, and some very purposefully.  A couple women who are close to me became pregnant unexpectedly, and I began to feel sorry for myself.  Very, very sorry.  I've never felt or understood that kind of pain before.  I've never longed for a child with no results.  I was spoiled.  I asked God why I would open my heart to the possibility of more children only to be shut down and have other women's pregnancies shoved in my face.  Why would He allow me to suffer like that when I was only seeking His will?

  Of course, silly me.... I wasn't seeking His will.  I was seeking my own.  God didn't open my heart to have me force my family's growth.  He opened my heart so I would allow Him to control whether or not we add to our family.  I was supposed to give it up to Him COMPLETELY.  I was already trying to live in the future... a future I wasn't for sure was certain.

  Thankfully I've gotten to the point in both instances, and many others, where I can just "let go and let God," as they say.  I'm done trying to make things happen my way, and I'm done putting so much focus on my future that I forget to appreciate all the blessings I currently have.  I have so many blessings!  I have love, and love abundant! My future is in GOOD hands, and so is yours.

  If you're fretting about what the future holds; if you're holding your breath, waiting on whatever is on the horizon, I've been there.  I know how it feels.  Let me tell you, it is a whole lot better giving your future up to God and learning to live in and enjoy the present.  There's no list of steps to take to get to this point.  There's no secret formula.  It might take something drastic to wrap your mind around the concept, but the only way to do it is to give it to God.  He holds the keys to your future and He wants a good, fulfilling, blessed future for you.  Gift your family and friends with your presence and let God handle whatever takes you away from those who love and need you now. Being present in the present is exhilarating, even for those of us who are sticklers for a good, solid plan.  I can't enforce this phrase enough: "Let go and let God!"  Be blessed today!

~Em

Fill the Void

  Every person is extremely complex.  Some may seem shallow, some may seem simple on the outside, but there is so much we can't see.  We are so complicated, that we can't possibly know even ourselves completely.  We don't know what choices we'll make tomorrow.  We don't know how strong we are until we go through something challenging.  We often don't know about the little details that add up to who we have become.

    As much as I love my husband, and as close as we are, I do not know him completely.  He doesn't know me completely.  We can't hear each other's thoughts.  We haven't been in each other's lives since conception.  We can't be together 100% of the time.  Jeff knows me more than any other person in my life, but he doesn't know me like God knows me.  Any time I take my trust in God and put it on Jeff's shoulders, I am let down.  It's not because Jeff is incapable of taking care of me.  It's not because he doesn't try.  It's because he's human.  It's because he didn't create me.  It's because he can't possibly know everything I need.  I often don't know what I need, so to put the pressure on another person is just setting us both up for disaster.

  We all have people we lean on.  That's important.  It's comforting.  But to put all of our love and trust and dependency on another person is dangerous.  We'll end up hurt and disappointed.  We'll resent that person for not meeting our needs in the way they need to be met.  They'll resent us for putting pressure like that on them.  None of us truly wants to be put up on a pedestal, because we know that at one point or another, we are going to fail the person that regards us so highly.

  I often struggle with giving my kids over to God.  I'd like to think I know best.  I like to be in control of what happens with them, to them, for them.  Every time I try to take control, I let myself down.  I let my kids down.  I know my kids so well.  I'm with them 24/7.  I've changed their diapers, soothed their cries, bandaged their scrapes, listened to their stories, cuddled them back to health when they were sick, and smothered them in kisses.  Yet, in all that love, care, and companionship, I do not know them like God knows them.  I often don't hear what they are really saying.  I sometimes struggle to understand them.  God doesn't.  He knows all of their thoughts, dreams, hurts, joys.  He knows what they need when they need it.

  As much as we mothers want recognition for all of our hard work, as much as we deserve a pat on the back, we can't be everything to our children.  Our spouses, parents, pastors, and friends can't be everything to us.  We're not capable of being the ultimate Comforter to our loved ones and they aren't capable of doing so for us.  It is so easy to run to a loved one in times of trouble.  It is so easy to fill a prescription or listen to a song or read that book to bandage up the hurt.  But that's all those things are.  Bandages.  They don't fix our problems.  They don't heal our wounds... they just cover them.

  It's easy to think that all we need is a night out or a coffee date with a good friend.  It's easy to run to our parents (even in adulthood) every time we need a pick-me-up or words of advice. Our need to be loved, comforted, embraced is real.  There's nothing wrong with this need.  In fact, God finds delight in loving, comforting, and embracing us.  That's what He's here for.  He loves us so much and wants only good for us.  He wants us to understand that people are good for us.  The good things He's blessed us with are great.  But nothing satisfies our thirst for being understood, our thirst for love, our thirst for filling our voids like Jesus.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

  I admit, I've tried to fill the void with almost everything but Jesus at times.  When I do that, depression sets in ~ because those things, while wonderful, don't quite do the trick.  We'll end up reaching and grabbing at anything that comes our way to get what we need only to end up empty handed in the end. True joy, true peace only comes from Jesus.  It comes from a true, solid relationship with Him.  It comes from a complete dependency upon Him.  The great news is, when we forget this, He's always right there waiting for us, ready to fill that void and refresh our spirits.  He will never leave us, nor forsake us... even when we forget to acknowledge Him.  God is our true Father, Friend, and Comforter.  Put all of your trust in Him and He will not disappoint.

~Em

Thank God for God

  Sometimes the pressure to be the "perfect Christian" is unbearable.  So many people have set ridiculously high religious standards and we are told to meet those expectations joyfully and without fail.  It's frustrating.  It makes me angry.  It turns many people off to having a relationship with Jesus because it turns the relationship into work and rules and condemnation.

  I am a Christian.  I am not "religious."  I am saved by God's grace and I don't pretend that I have earned a smidgen of it.

  Jeff and I haven't gone to church regularly (according to typical standards) in years.  It's not that we don't like church. Quite the contrary.  It's just that sometimes we're lazy. How's that for truth? ;)  Sometimes we are in between churches.  Perhaps we haven't found the right one.  Regardless, I don't believe this takes from our status as lovers of Jesus.

  I have the occasional glass or two of wine and have had to learn my limits.  I have tattoos.  Sometimes I listen to metal. *gasp!!!*   I've been known to lose my cool.  Sometimes I swear in the moment and feel immediate guilt, not because God smacks me upside the head, but because I know if certain people heard me say such an un-Christian-like word, I'd never hear the end of it.

  While my marriage has improved by leaps and bounds since my husband and I first wed, it isn't perfect.  Honestly, the majority of the problems we've encountered have been my fault.  I lose patience sometimes and yell at Jeff and the kids when I should be understanding and gentle with my words.

 Sometimes I seek advice from a friend instead of praying first.  Sometimes I don't like life.  I struggle with jealousy.  I often eat my emotions.... sometimes I scream my emotions.... sometimes I cry for no reason at all.  Sometimes I give legitimately bad advice.  I change my mind about certain issues a lot... issues that are often black and white on the religious side of the "Christian" world.

  I struggle with forgiveness.  I've often pretended to forgive while holding on to the anger and poisoning myself with bitterness and resentment.  I'm a glutton for punishment.  I hold on to friendships that can be toxic, for the sake of the other person.  I struggle with the desire to keep everyone happy.... when the only approval I need is God's.  I'm rebellious at times and super obedient at others.

  All too recently, I went downhill into depression for two years straight... Christians aren't supposed to struggle with depression.  I hated myself.  Christians aren't supposed to hate themselves.  We're made in God's image.  We are a new creation.  It hurts God's feelings when we dislike who He loves.

  I am sure I am not alone in my struggle to meet the demands the typical Christian society puts on us.  I don't hate Christians.  Like I said, I am one.  What I hate is the ideals we place in front of real, hurting, struggling, imperfect people.  "Here... this is what Christian life should be.  Do this, don't do that.  If you do this, you will be shunned by our people and will be forced to crawl back to the pagans and hell-bound sinners you once ran with."

  This isn't what Jesus wants.  Jesus loves on people.  He loved on the unlovable while He walked the earth, and He still loves you and I at our best and our worst times.  Do you know what makes me proud to be a Christian?  Other Christians who show the true love of God.  The gracious, merciful, undying love of God.  The kind that doesn't hold ridiculous ideals over people's heads.  The kind that gives second chances and the kind that keeps knocking on the doors of unlovable hearts.  I don't always extend this kind of love, but my ultimate goal is to spread God's message of hope and salvation.  I would hate to come across someone who is afraid of accepting Jesus because they know they aren't perfect.... without showing them that it is okay to let Him in.  He loves you regardless of your mistakes.  He loves you even when the high and mighty, all-knowing, perfect in every way Christians reject you.

  Jesus loves you.  He loves me.  He loves the woman who aborted her baby.  He loves homosexuals.  He loves drug addicts and prostitutes and even the hoity-toity church-going hypocrites.  He loves us despite our sins or our taboo choices and lifestyles.  He loves us and wants to free us of our struggles and our addictions and our shortcomings.  He wants to make us better.  He wants us to want better for ourselves, but he loves us just the same when we struggle over and over and over again.  His love for us never changes.

  Shut out any voice that tells you you aren't worth it.  Shut out any voice that tells you you have no right to accept His love.  Shut out any voice that tells you you should give up in your quest to help others because you have major sins on your back.

  Keep pressing on.  Keep striving to know God intimately.  Find those people who will love on you and show you the TRUE heart of Jesus, without all the condemnation, and mental beatings.  We can change.  It is possible, but we shouldn't change because others tell us to.  We should grow because we're seeking fellowship with God and because we want to be pleasing to Him.  We can hate sin.  We can hate the things that hold us back from being who we want to be in God.  What we can't hate are the people who sin.  We can't hate those who struggle.  We can't hate hypocrites.  We shouldn't hate ourselves.

   To my fellow believers,  please speak in love, not in condemnation.  Please hug a sinner instead of looking down your nose at them.  Please pray for others instead of pointing out their weaknesses.  This is just as much for me as it is for anybody.  We need to show LOVE in these trying times instead of bickering and hating on each other.  We need to set aside our differences and love each other the way God loves us.  I'm not asking you to accept sins and act like they're all good.  I'm asking that in spite of those sins, you extend kindness, gentleness, goodness, and love.

  When other Christians mess up, we shouldn't nag them about their pitfalls.  We know when we've sinned.  We don't need to have those mistakes put on blast.  We need love and forgiveness.  Every single person on the planet needs love and forgiveness.  Thank God for God... because oh, how we've failed each other.

Photo by: My lovely daughter, Kayleigh

 

I'm Not Cut Out for Ministry

  One mistake a lot of Christians seem to make is putting a face on ministry.  We view God's plan as a one size fits all box.  It must look, act, and feel a certain way to be genuine. This leads many to believe they can't measure up and will never be able to do God's work.

  I'm here to say that ministry has MANY faces.  God calls all kinds of people to do all kinds of things for Him.  I struggled with trying to put ministry into a box.  I thought I had to look, act, be a certain way in order to pursue what I felt God was calling me to do.  I am not perfect and I never will be.  God knows that.  He knows that you and I aren't identical and that we don't fit in that one-size fits all mold.

  Ministry doesn't necessarily mean you have to pastor a church or lead worship.  It doesn't even have to happen in a church.  Ministry can be so low key, that many don't know it's happening.

  I believe the Lord has called me to minister in ways that are unconventional.  I'm not currently doing all I will be doing in this lifetime, but I am taking steps and following His voice as I hear it.  Because I am failing on a regular basis, I don't fit that "ideal" many of us have come up with.  I'm not good at being good all the time.  I stumble, I fall.  The key is getting back up and trying again.  I avoided many opportunities to minister because of my faults.  I wasn't seeing myself through God's eyes.  I was seeing myself for my mistakes.  We are not our mistakes.  We are not our faults.  If we have been saved by God's grace, we are God's children, no matter how imperfect we are.

  I have come up with every excuse in the book as to why I can't minister to others.  I'm an introvert, I don't take my own advice, I don't always take the time to dig in to God's Word, I can be quick to anger, I'm too sensitive, I'm irritable, I raise my voice more than I should, I don't like talking in front of groups of people.... the list goes on and on... and on.  And you know what?  I am right!  I am not capable of doing God's work.  Not on my own, at least.  I am weak, I fall prey to the flesh, I am far from perfect.

  The good news is, God IS perfect and He can more than make up for our inadequacies.  I am slowly learning to let Him take the reins.  I am allowing Him to show me strengths I didn't know I had and to use the gifts He has given me.  I'm letting Him take my weaknesses and turn them into something moldable and usable for His will.

  Another issue we have, when pondering ministry is our judgement when it comes to others in ministry.  That pastor said this, that leader did that.  We judge and we nit pick everything those in ministry do.  Newsflash: Pastors, worship leaders, missionaries, elders, evangelists.... they're ALL human.  Not a single one of them is sinless.  Not a single one of them measures up to Jesus.  When we are heck bent on finding faults in leadership, you bet we're going to find it! Find me a perfect preacher... go on!

  This is one of the many reasons a person would battle their call to ministry.  We know that those who are doing the work of God are ripped apart by other "Christians" and even by non-believers, so why would we want our blemishes thrown out there for the world to see? Honestly, this is a huge roadblock in my life.  I've got many people who have knowledge of my countless imperfections, mistakes, and sins. I know a few that may or may not want to share those with others.  I'm sure if it ever gets to that point, they will be known. That scares the living daylights out of me.

  We all want to put on this happy face and pretend we have it all together and that we are completely in sync with God.  I know I'm not.  I know I have plenty of room for growth.  I know my struggles often stick out like a sore thumb.  I also know that I'm going to need God's hand to hold on to when I am exposed.  I'm going to need His strength because I have such a desire to encourage and bless others that when things get in the way of that; when I'm feeling judged, only He will be able to help me put one foot in front of the other. Only He will give me the courage to continue on.

  I don't say all of this to scare you from ministry.  I say this so we can realize that we have one more very large roadblock in our journeys to ministry: We think it should be easy.  Ministry isn't meant to be all sunshine and roses.  We will have opposition.  Satan will throw everything he can at us to make sure we step back and hide in the shadows.  People will disagree with you.  People will find fault in you.  You may come across financial struggle.  You may take an emotional toll.

  God doesn't call us because it's easy.  He calls us because He wants us to be faithful.  Do we care enough about others to sacrifice our comfort?  Do we want to make a difference, even if that means trials may come our way?  Do we want to fulfill that call the Lord has had on us since before we were born, or do we want to throw it all away for the sake of contentment?

  I can be fearful.  I enjoy being comfortable with where I'm at.  I don't want to be in the spotlight, even if it is  a tiny ray of light.  No, I am not cut out for ministry.  But the God who created me begs to differ.  He sees things in me that I don't see.  He knows things about me that I have yet to learn.  I'm not doing this for me.  To do so would be selfish.  I'm doing this for HIM.  So am I going to trust Him?  Am I going to believe that He has my back no matter what comes my way?  Am I going to have faith that He will use me to do great things in His name?  Yes.  I know I will struggle to remain in that "yes," but I am ready to do what He calls me to do.  Are you?

Painting courtesy of my talented Dad, Bill Sanders.

He is My All in All

  I've been feeling really discouraged about some things over the past few days. Really discouraged.  I've been sensing that life is actively trying to beat me down.  Things were going a little too well and Satan was getting uncomfortable.  I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.
  So tonight, I was thumbing through a Bible my dad had given me when I was thirteen.  I recently passed it along to my oldest son (11), but we keep it by our school books for family devotions.  I loved this Bible. Still do.  There are encouraging words and tidbits throughout the pages to help young minds understand Scriptures.  I have many handwritten notes in the margins.
  I was looking for a word or two of encouragement and I came across a passage I had underlined years ago:

"Even though the fig trees are all destroyed, and there is neither blossom left nor fruit; though the olive crops all fail, and the fields lie barren; even if the flocks die in the fields and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will be happy in the God of my salvation.  The Lord God is my strength; he will give me the speed of a deer and bring me safely over the mountains." 

~ Habakkuk 3:17-19 (TLB)  

Bingo! Then, to add some more goodness onto this encouraging word, I noticed a blue star next to the last verse.  I looked over to the following page and saw some lyrics written in the same blue ink:

"You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my all in all"  

 This was taken from the worship song "You Are My All in All" by Dennis Jernigan.  I remember singing it many times as a teen and young adult.  I haven't heard it in a while.  Reading those blue words on that page did something to me.  It brought me the comfort I longed for.  He IS my strength when I am weak. 

  Finally, I noticed a bit more of my teenage chicken scratch on the page.  I wrote my thoughts on the verses I had read; what I got out of them. "God will always be here for us, through thick and thin.  He will stick by our side."  Back then, I sort of understood things, or at least I tried, but I'm sure I had no clue of the impact those words would have on me in the future.  I truly believe the Lord used that moment and my naive hands to pen those words for this very night. God knew that I'd be hurting, worried, and worn down tonight.  He knew I would need to be uplifted, even in the smallest of ways.  He knew those words would touch my soul better than anything else and I am blown away!  

My Bible from my teenage years. :)

  God sees our pain: past, present, and future.  He feels for us and He wants to comfort us in ways that truly reach our souls.  He knows what we need.  He may not meet those needs in our timing, but He will meet those needs in His...perfect...timing.  He has given me not only encouragement and comfort tonight, but peace, hope, and joy.  The words I shared might mean absolutely nothing to you, but they spoke volumes to me.  The ways He reaches out to you might not relate to me, but they were tailored to fit you!  Isn't it amazing that He cares enough to speak to us in ways that we will hear and understand? Isn't it wonderful that He knows our hearts and just what we need when we need it?

  If you're struggling tonight, I encourage you to reach out to Him.  Pray, open your Bible, worship.... do whatever you need to do to connect with your Father and allow Him to speak to you in your special language.  I pray that you'll be encouraged and that you will use that encouragement to reach out to others who are hurting as well.  Share the love and light that is Jesus.  Use your experiences to be a beacon of hope for the hurting.  Blessings!

~Em