Our Family Planning Testimony

  Family planning seems to be a hot topic these days.  Everyone has their opinions on the appropriate size and methods to creating the perfect family.  There are those who think everyone should stop after two or three kids for whatever reason (financial, population control, the emotional toll many kids could have on a mom, etc.).  There are those who want as many children as they can get.  All growing up I just knew I wanted 6 kids.  It seemed like the perfect number to me.  It was large, but not too large.  Just right.

  Then you get into the birth control debate.  Pills, IUDs, natural family planning, the list goes on.  Some choose to forgo birth control all together.  Some have difficulty conceiving, so they go through surrogates, in vitro fertilization, and other avenues to make this happen.  There are also those who foster or adopt children.

   I've had varying opinions on family planning throughout the years.  Not all were true to my core beliefs, but not all were wrong, either.  I believe with all of my heart, and I always have, that family planning is a personal choice to be made between the couple and God.  There are words of wisdom that can come from many people, but when it comes right down to it, it is a personal conviction, no matter how others see it.
 
  I was on the pill for short periods of time before and after our first son was born.  I never felt right about it, but it was just what a woman did.  I was young and naive and didn't research much in those days.  I took my doctor's word for it instead of really digging into the pros and cons.  I do not look down on anyone who chooses to use this method.  Not at all.  I just never felt peace about it for myself.  I highly suggest doing your research and seeking God's will, no matter what.

  After our second daughter was born, I thought we could be done procreating.  I wasn't set on putting an end to our family's growth, but I thought that we should take matters into our own hands to make sure we were good and ready before adding another little one to the mix.

  When we were ready, my husband and I just let things happen however they were going to happen before becoming pregnant with my third.  A little time went by before we were ready for a fourth.  But between each pregnancy, we prevented until we didn't want to prevent anymore.

  After our fourth baby was born, things went well for a while.  I was in what I thought was a good place, but circumstances and feelings started changing and I went to a hard place emotionally.  I knew I was DONE having kids for good! I love my kids. I absolutely adore them.  I was just in a place where the thought of having another stressed me beyond belief.  My insistence on preventing more pregnancies hurt our marriage deeply. At the time, I didn't see it for what it was, but I see it clear as day looking back.

  Just shy of four years after giving birth to our youngest little princess, I began to have a change of heart, but I'd brush those thoughts away.  It's just not logical to have more children.  At least it isn't in most people's minds, and I wouldn't want to offend anyone by birthing yet another baby, would I? ;)  When that desire became a bit stronger, I went to God.  He is the wisest of us all.  He knows our desires, our capabilities, our needs, much more than we know them ourselves.

  This past summer, I studied the Word, sought out wisdom from varying opinions, and prayed like a madwoman.  I do not go into this lightly. This is a big deal.  A really big deal.  After much digging, prayer, and thought, I realized that this is something I want to put into God's hands.  If I'm going to trust Him completely, I need to trust Him with everything, right? I don't see my current children as a burden.  I see them as incredible gifts.  Why should I withhold any other blessings God wants to give Jeff and I?  Why should I live out of fear?  When we live in fear of anything, we are lacking trust.

  When I gave my fears over to the Lord, I decided it was time to discuss it with my husband.  He is a man of few words.  He has to be, he's married to quite the talker.  I wrote him a letter, because I am able to share my heart through writing in a way that my voice can not convey.  I stuck the letter on the bathroom counter before going to bed that night (I have a habit of doing this).  The next morning we talked a bit.  I assumed the conversation would last a lot longer than it did.  I expected some hesitation on Jeff's part, but I believe he saw my heart and my desire to give this up to God, so he was game.

  Our marriage has seen vast improvement since taking this leap of faith in so many ways.  I personally feel that so much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  The cloud of doubt has evaporated and the sun is shining brightly.  We have actually let go of the burden of living in fear of the unknown when it comes to conceiving another child.  We don't have the goal of birthing 19 children and landing a spot on a reality television series.  We're not much for the spotlight, we're rather camera shy, and are 98% sure God doesn't have that many children in mind for us. ;)

  I do have to confess that I became slightly frustrated when a couple months went by without any "news" to share.  I half expected to be "expecting" right away.  I was always very fertile. It happened right away every other time, and once caught us completely off guard.  Why was it different this time? Then the Lord kinda checked my attitude.  I was supposed to give this up to Him. That was my plan at first, I shouldn't forget it.  Baby or no baby, it was His call.  Why was I all of the sudden so gung ho to have another?  Of course, another baby would be a huge blessing.  The children we have are huge blessings.  Either way, Jeff and I have been blessed beyond measure and we will allow God to give or withhold as He sees fit.

  I share all of this, not because I feel I owe it to anyone, and definitely not to talk anyone into doing things our way, but to encourage you to own your values and convictions and not to let others' opinions take those away from you.  I expect a bit of a negative reaction from most people.  I'm hoping for some positivity, but this way of thinking is quite radical to most, so I'll understand if I receive backlash for sharing.

  As I post this, the minutes will go by like hours and the hours like days while I await the texts and calls from concerned loved ones.  That's okay.  It's okay to be concerned.  It is not okay to tell others what the Lord has or has not laid on their hearts.  I am careful, but sometimes fail, in taking this approach with my friends and family.  I don't know their hearts, other than what they've so graciously shared with me.  I don't know what the Lord says to them. So I have no right to interfere.  I need to respect the beliefs of others, just as I sweetly ask them to respect mine. :)

  Stop at one baby, or go for twenty.  The choice is yours and yours alone! Enjoy the family you have and embrace whoever comes along in the future.  I am so happy for this outlook.  I am so happy that this world is a diverse place, full of thoughts and opinions of all kinds.  If our opinions clash, so be it.  I love you just the same.  I pray that the feeling's mutual. :)

Em