Our Family Planning Testimony

  Family planning seems to be a hot topic these days.  Everyone has their opinions on the appropriate size and methods to creating the perfect family.  There are those who think everyone should stop after two or three kids for whatever reason (financial, population control, the emotional toll many kids could have on a mom, etc.).  There are those who want as many children as they can get.  All growing up I just knew I wanted 6 kids.  It seemed like the perfect number to me.  It was large, but not too large.  Just right.

  Then you get into the birth control debate.  Pills, IUDs, natural family planning, the list goes on.  Some choose to forgo birth control all together.  Some have difficulty conceiving, so they go through surrogates, in vitro fertilization, and other avenues to make this happen.  There are also those who foster or adopt children.

   I've had varying opinions on family planning throughout the years.  Not all were true to my core beliefs, but not all were wrong, either.  I believe with all of my heart, and I always have, that family planning is a personal choice to be made between the couple and God.  There are words of wisdom that can come from many people, but when it comes right down to it, it is a personal conviction, no matter how others see it.
 
  I was on the pill for short periods of time before and after our first son was born.  I never felt right about it, but it was just what a woman did.  I was young and naive and didn't research much in those days.  I took my doctor's word for it instead of really digging into the pros and cons.  I do not look down on anyone who chooses to use this method.  Not at all.  I just never felt peace about it for myself.  I highly suggest doing your research and seeking God's will, no matter what.

  After our second daughter was born, I thought we could be done procreating.  I wasn't set on putting an end to our family's growth, but I thought that we should take matters into our own hands to make sure we were good and ready before adding another little one to the mix.

  When we were ready, my husband and I just let things happen however they were going to happen before becoming pregnant with my third.  A little time went by before we were ready for a fourth.  But between each pregnancy, we prevented until we didn't want to prevent anymore.

  After our fourth baby was born, things went well for a while.  I was in what I thought was a good place, but circumstances and feelings started changing and I went to a hard place emotionally.  I knew I was DONE having kids for good! I love my kids. I absolutely adore them.  I was just in a place where the thought of having another stressed me beyond belief.  My insistence on preventing more pregnancies hurt our marriage deeply. At the time, I didn't see it for what it was, but I see it clear as day looking back.

  Just shy of four years after giving birth to our youngest little princess, I began to have a change of heart, but I'd brush those thoughts away.  It's just not logical to have more children.  At least it isn't in most people's minds, and I wouldn't want to offend anyone by birthing yet another baby, would I? ;)  When that desire became a bit stronger, I went to God.  He is the wisest of us all.  He knows our desires, our capabilities, our needs, much more than we know them ourselves.

  This past summer, I studied the Word, sought out wisdom from varying opinions, and prayed like a madwoman.  I do not go into this lightly. This is a big deal.  A really big deal.  After much digging, prayer, and thought, I realized that this is something I want to put into God's hands.  If I'm going to trust Him completely, I need to trust Him with everything, right? I don't see my current children as a burden.  I see them as incredible gifts.  Why should I withhold any other blessings God wants to give Jeff and I?  Why should I live out of fear?  When we live in fear of anything, we are lacking trust.

  When I gave my fears over to the Lord, I decided it was time to discuss it with my husband.  He is a man of few words.  He has to be, he's married to quite the talker.  I wrote him a letter, because I am able to share my heart through writing in a way that my voice can not convey.  I stuck the letter on the bathroom counter before going to bed that night (I have a habit of doing this).  The next morning we talked a bit.  I assumed the conversation would last a lot longer than it did.  I expected some hesitation on Jeff's part, but I believe he saw my heart and my desire to give this up to God, so he was game.

  Our marriage has seen vast improvement since taking this leap of faith in so many ways.  I personally feel that so much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  The cloud of doubt has evaporated and the sun is shining brightly.  We have actually let go of the burden of living in fear of the unknown when it comes to conceiving another child.  We don't have the goal of birthing 19 children and landing a spot on a reality television series.  We're not much for the spotlight, we're rather camera shy, and are 98% sure God doesn't have that many children in mind for us. ;)

  I do have to confess that I became slightly frustrated when a couple months went by without any "news" to share.  I half expected to be "expecting" right away.  I was always very fertile. It happened right away every other time, and once caught us completely off guard.  Why was it different this time? Then the Lord kinda checked my attitude.  I was supposed to give this up to Him. That was my plan at first, I shouldn't forget it.  Baby or no baby, it was His call.  Why was I all of the sudden so gung ho to have another?  Of course, another baby would be a huge blessing.  The children we have are huge blessings.  Either way, Jeff and I have been blessed beyond measure and we will allow God to give or withhold as He sees fit.

  I share all of this, not because I feel I owe it to anyone, and definitely not to talk anyone into doing things our way, but to encourage you to own your values and convictions and not to let others' opinions take those away from you.  I expect a bit of a negative reaction from most people.  I'm hoping for some positivity, but this way of thinking is quite radical to most, so I'll understand if I receive backlash for sharing.

  As I post this, the minutes will go by like hours and the hours like days while I await the texts and calls from concerned loved ones.  That's okay.  It's okay to be concerned.  It is not okay to tell others what the Lord has or has not laid on their hearts.  I am careful, but sometimes fail, in taking this approach with my friends and family.  I don't know their hearts, other than what they've so graciously shared with me.  I don't know what the Lord says to them. So I have no right to interfere.  I need to respect the beliefs of others, just as I sweetly ask them to respect mine. :)

  Stop at one baby, or go for twenty.  The choice is yours and yours alone! Enjoy the family you have and embrace whoever comes along in the future.  I am so happy for this outlook.  I am so happy that this world is a diverse place, full of thoughts and opinions of all kinds.  If our opinions clash, so be it.  I love you just the same.  I pray that the feeling's mutual. :)

Em


 

I'm Not Cut Out for Ministry

  One mistake a lot of Christians seem to make is putting a face on ministry.  We view God's plan as a one size fits all box.  It must look, act, and feel a certain way to be genuine. This leads many to believe they can't measure up and will never be able to do God's work.

  I'm here to say that ministry has MANY faces.  God calls all kinds of people to do all kinds of things for Him.  I struggled with trying to put ministry into a box.  I thought I had to look, act, be a certain way in order to pursue what I felt God was calling me to do.  I am not perfect and I never will be.  God knows that.  He knows that you and I aren't identical and that we don't fit in that one-size fits all mold.

  Ministry doesn't necessarily mean you have to pastor a church or lead worship.  It doesn't even have to happen in a church.  Ministry can be so low key, that many don't know it's happening.

  I believe the Lord has called me to minister in ways that are unconventional.  I'm not currently doing all I will be doing in this lifetime, but I am taking steps and following His voice as I hear it.  Because I am failing on a regular basis, I don't fit that "ideal" many of us have come up with.  I'm not good at being good all the time.  I stumble, I fall.  The key is getting back up and trying again.  I avoided many opportunities to minister because of my faults.  I wasn't seeing myself through God's eyes.  I was seeing myself for my mistakes.  We are not our mistakes.  We are not our faults.  If we have been saved by God's grace, we are God's children, no matter how imperfect we are.

  I have come up with every excuse in the book as to why I can't minister to others.  I'm an introvert, I don't take my own advice, I don't always take the time to dig in to God's Word, I can be quick to anger, I'm too sensitive, I'm irritable, I raise my voice more than I should, I don't like talking in front of groups of people.... the list goes on and on... and on.  And you know what?  I am right!  I am not capable of doing God's work.  Not on my own, at least.  I am weak, I fall prey to the flesh, I am far from perfect.

  The good news is, God IS perfect and He can more than make up for our inadequacies.  I am slowly learning to let Him take the reins.  I am allowing Him to show me strengths I didn't know I had and to use the gifts He has given me.  I'm letting Him take my weaknesses and turn them into something moldable and usable for His will.

  Another issue we have, when pondering ministry is our judgement when it comes to others in ministry.  That pastor said this, that leader did that.  We judge and we nit pick everything those in ministry do.  Newsflash: Pastors, worship leaders, missionaries, elders, evangelists.... they're ALL human.  Not a single one of them is sinless.  Not a single one of them measures up to Jesus.  When we are heck bent on finding faults in leadership, you bet we're going to find it! Find me a perfect preacher... go on!

  This is one of the many reasons a person would battle their call to ministry.  We know that those who are doing the work of God are ripped apart by other "Christians" and even by non-believers, so why would we want our blemishes thrown out there for the world to see? Honestly, this is a huge roadblock in my life.  I've got many people who have knowledge of my countless imperfections, mistakes, and sins. I know a few that may or may not want to share those with others.  I'm sure if it ever gets to that point, they will be known. That scares the living daylights out of me.

  We all want to put on this happy face and pretend we have it all together and that we are completely in sync with God.  I know I'm not.  I know I have plenty of room for growth.  I know my struggles often stick out like a sore thumb.  I also know that I'm going to need God's hand to hold on to when I am exposed.  I'm going to need His strength because I have such a desire to encourage and bless others that when things get in the way of that; when I'm feeling judged, only He will be able to help me put one foot in front of the other. Only He will give me the courage to continue on.

  I don't say all of this to scare you from ministry.  I say this so we can realize that we have one more very large roadblock in our journeys to ministry: We think it should be easy.  Ministry isn't meant to be all sunshine and roses.  We will have opposition.  Satan will throw everything he can at us to make sure we step back and hide in the shadows.  People will disagree with you.  People will find fault in you.  You may come across financial struggle.  You may take an emotional toll.

  God doesn't call us because it's easy.  He calls us because He wants us to be faithful.  Do we care enough about others to sacrifice our comfort?  Do we want to make a difference, even if that means trials may come our way?  Do we want to fulfill that call the Lord has had on us since before we were born, or do we want to throw it all away for the sake of contentment?

  I can be fearful.  I enjoy being comfortable with where I'm at.  I don't want to be in the spotlight, even if it is  a tiny ray of light.  No, I am not cut out for ministry.  But the God who created me begs to differ.  He sees things in me that I don't see.  He knows things about me that I have yet to learn.  I'm not doing this for me.  To do so would be selfish.  I'm doing this for HIM.  So am I going to trust Him?  Am I going to believe that He has my back no matter what comes my way?  Am I going to have faith that He will use me to do great things in His name?  Yes.  I know I will struggle to remain in that "yes," but I am ready to do what He calls me to do.  Are you?

Painting courtesy of my talented Dad, Bill Sanders.

Christmas Doesn't Have to Be Crazy!

  It used to be that when Christmas season came around, my stress levels would sky rocket. I have always loved Christmas, but I soon began to despise the pressure that would come along with this beloved holiday.  There were so many presents to wrap, so many parties to attend, and I felt like I was being swallowed up by lights and ornaments and bows.  

  A couple years ago, it dawned on me: I don't have to do it all to make Christmas special for my kids.  I don't have to buy a million presents.  I don't have to please everyone by attending every holiday open house known to man.  I don't have to decorate so much that I could qualify as a hoarder.  I can pick and choose what is of importance to my family and I.

  When we lose focus on what this season is really all about, we add so much unnecessary stress to our lives.  My goal this Christmas is to keep my focus on what really matters. I will Christmas it up, but when Christmas starts to lose its magic, I will have no problem stepping back and keeping it simple.

~ Jesus is the reason for the Christmas season.  I'll choose to make His birth top priority in our home.  Any time we focus on Him, all else seems trivial.  That doesn't just happen during Christmas.  I need to remind myself to keep Him at the center of my vision all year round. 

  It is so easy to get caught up in Santa Claus and the Elf on the Shelf and the Grinch and <fill in the blank>.  Those things are so much fun and there is absolutely nothing wrong with celebrating that way.  But when Jesus gets lost in the celebration, we have a problem.  I choose to keep Him first, always! 

~ It's love and family and fellowship that is important, not presents.  I used to feel pressured to find gifts for everyone we see on a regular basis.  When our budget couldn't handle my expectations (which happened pretty much every year), I ended up disappointed and somehow felt that I had let my friends and family down.  When I couldn't buy the best of the best for my kids and fill that space under the tree, I loathed the very concept of gift giving in the first place.  

  Once I gave up those expectations and asked God what I could do to make the season bright for my friends and family, I realized that it's not about the presents anyway.  And if it is, maybe I don't need to see those particular people until the Christmas season is over. ;)  

  For our kids, we have decided to limit gifts.  We've done this for a few years now, but sometimes go a bit overboard.  Our goal is to buy one main gift for each child, a family gift, pajamas with snacks and a movie for Christmas Eve, and stocking stuffers.  That is more than enough.  Our kids are happy with whatever they get, and if they choose not to be, I choose not to take on any guilt.  We do what we can and we have decided that our focus needs to be on Jesus and loved ones, not presents. 

~All the hulabaloo can hit the road. The second I become overwhelmed with Christmas, I decide what needs to go.  If I feel like making cookies with the kids to give as gifts, I'll do it.  If that thought is too much for me on a particular day...or season... I will nix it.  It's really quite simple.  Why stress ourselves over things that don't have to be done?  I LOVE Christmas, and more often than not, I DO want to do it all.  But now, when I do it all, I'm doing so because I CHOOSE to, not because I feel like I have to.  See?  If we start making our own rules instead of trying to keep up with what everyone around us is doing, we'll be much happier.  Hang that extra wreath in the hall...or don't.  Go caroling with your family...or don't. Make gifts for all of your neighbors...or don't. Put a Christmas house in every corner of your home...or don't. 

~We focus on our traditions. There are so many fun and exciting traditions out there.  I love hearing all about the activities people embrace this time of year.  Sometimes our family adopts new traditions.  Sometimes we nix some old ones that just don't work for us anymore.  Here are a few traditions we love:

• Cutting down the Christmas tree.  Okay, this is more of a love/hate, but it happens every year.  After Thanksgiving, we'll go to Jeff's Grandma's and choose a tree.  Then, when we get home, Jeff and I struggle to put it up.  He asks if it is straight, while tightening the screws in the stand.  I say, "yes."  He stands back and sees that it is clearly not straight. In fact, it could be downright horizontal.  I shrug my shoulders and make a joke about having crooked eyes. We try again... and sometimes again and again. The smell, the beauty, the nostalgia that comes from that tree makes all of the struggle worth it. 
• Decorating the house.  We've mostly done the interior.  Now that we're in a neighborhood again, I have evil plans of enlisting Jeff to put lights up outside this year.  The kids and I usually decorate inside while Jeff sits back and watches.  He knows that I'm the one in charge of decorations, so he lets me have at it. It is glorious! I like to torture him by playing Amy Grant's "A Christmas Album."  The exact album I listened to as a kid.  If you know my husband, you know that he is far from being the Amy Grant type of fan. I'm a wonderful wife, eh? 
• Looking for Santa.  My kids know Santa is just pretend... or at least two of them do.  We still have fun staring up into the sky on our ride home from my parents' house every Christmas Eve.  Every phone tower, airplane, imaginary light is a potential sighting.  We love it.  I love it.  I used to do this with my parents as a kid.  It was exciting.  Magical.
• Leaving treats for Santa and his reindeer... and Jesus.  Sometimes we make a birthday cake for Jesus, but more often than not, Mommy likes to combine the treats and stick them all on one plate for Santa and Jesus to share.  Because sharing is good. Yes, I know, I'm stretching it. We usually leave cookies and carrots.  Last year we left out donuts... and may have forgotten about Rudolph and his friends.  I can't remember.  The point is, Mommy and Daddy... I mean... Jesus and Santa have a delightful treat to enjoy after the kids go to bed. 
• Listening to the Christmas Story. I want the story of Jesus' birth to be first and foremost Christmas morning.  Before we open presents, Daddy reads straight from the Word of God and we pray together as a family.  Then the kids go crazy and our living room is filled with tiny pieces of pain for our feet to step on, shreds of wrapping paper for mommy to throw away, and lots and lots of cheer. 
• My heart this year is to make someone else's Christmas special.  We haven't done that enough.  My kids need to know the true joy of giving to others.  We haven't always had the finances to help in such a way, but I am determined to make it happen, even if it's just a small gift of hope.  I want to extend kindness and love to a deserving family. I want someone to know that there are people in this world who care about them. 

There is no need to live up to other people's expectations when it comes to Christmas.  Why do we allow ourselves to carry silly little burdens during the most wonderful time of the year?  We don't have to drive ourselves crazy by going overboard.  If going overboard is your thing, go for it! Go all out!! Soak it all in!!  If you want to keep it simple, then do just that.  Be at peace and relax this Holiday Season.  Do whatever feels right to you and your family.  

  I personally have a goal of shoving as much Christmas cheer into this season as possible.  However, I will let go of whatever gets in the way of my budget, our happiness, or my time spent with the ones I cherish most.  

  Tell me about your favorite Christmas traditions.  Do you keep it simple or go all out?  What makes you happy and stress free during the Christmas season?

~Em

Tackling the Day to Day With a Smile

  Choosing joy is a never-ending process.  Choosing joy when you're being pelted with circumstances that cause frustration or sorrow is brutal.  It is impossible for me to maintain a joyous demeanor without having God hold my hand and talk me through it.
  Honestly, even little things like seeing that pile of laundry I need to put away, or stepping on one of the kids' toys for the hundredth time can cause my face to snap into a scowl faster than a speeding bullet.  There are days I'd like to forget, days I'd like to start over, days that drag on forever... these are the days in which joy is extremely important.

  I don't always choose joy.  In fact, I choose to wallow in my misery more often than I'd like to admit.  The fact that I can admit this is a huge step in moving forward to more joyous days ahead.  When we can admit we have a problem and when we choose to tackle that problem, God can do miraculous things to our hearts. Prayer and repentance are powerful! 

There are other practical ways you can lessen your stress in the day to day.  Here are some I've grabbed hold of and I have found to be very helpful in my journey to enjoying even the most mundane of days:

1. Allow your kids to help.  This was hard for me. I wanted things done my way, and let's face it: a child who is learning new skills isn't going to get it just right.  I had to train myself to let go of my desire for perfection all while training my children how to tackle different chores around the house.  It can be done.  Your house might not belong on the cover of a magazine, but jobs will get done and you won't have to accomplish the impossible to make that happen.  You'll have more time to play with and enjoy your kids if you just let them help you.

2. Do a little bit of everything every day.  I used to have "laundry days."  That was the biggest struggle for me.  I would dread laundry day.  It would take up so much of my time and I felt like I couldn't enjoy myself while sorting, washing, drying, folding, and putting clothes away all day.  So I do a load or two every day. Problem solved.  Laundry gets done quickly, and I don't have a heaping pile of stinky mess to deal with.  Of course, I backslide in this sometimes, so if you show up to my house one day and see piles of folded laundry on my couch, don't say I didn't warn you! As long as I keep a steady flow of work going each day, things don't get so overwhelming.  

3. Start your day in prayer.  I notice that when I start my day in prayer and time spent with the Lord, my days run much, much smoother. If I'm having a particularly bad day, I think back to what I have done.  That key ingredient is usually missing.  Now, I'm not saying that your days will be perfect every time you start your day in prayer, but I am saying that you will open your heart to hear the Lord's prompting when situations arise where you need to make a choice about how you'll react.  Our reactions definitely determine the direction of our day. 

4. Take a long, hard look at the choices you are making.  Are the kids in your hair?  Do you look around to see that a tornado has hit your living room?  When things start getting a bit crazy, determine the cause and find a solution.  Typically if my kids are going bonkers, that means I've spent a little too much time chatting with friends on Facebook, and not enough time being Mom.  Or maybe I've put too much effort into cleaning house and not enough time face to face, showing my children how much I love them.  It's hard to admit when you've checked out, and I understand that some days that is totally necessary for a short period of time.  If it is happening too frequently, or for long periods of time, your day can turn sour. I know. Been there, done that.  

How have you learned to bring a smile to your face while tackling the issues of every day life?  I'm always ready to open my heart to new ways of embracing joy in the day to day.

~Em

7 Ways We Stretch Our Money

  These days, it's tough to make ends meet for many families.  Everything costs money and almost nothing is cheap.  Many people are living paycheck to paycheck.  Instead of waiting things out and hoping the world will hand us money on a silver platter, I decided to get creative with our finances.  I opened my mind to things I would have never considered and I haven't looked back yet.
  There are many ways my hubby and I stretch our money to make our life more comfortable, fulfilling, and to set our minds at ease.  Here are 7 of them:

1. Ditch Cable~ With great, cheap services like Netflix and Hulu, one doesn't need to spend $100/month on channels they don't even use.  When we moved into our new house 5 months ago, Jeff and I agreed to ditch cable and try out Netflix as our main source of tv and movie viewing. We're still going strong! We also purchased a digital antenna for around $24 that brings in a few basic channels like ABC and Fox for no monthly payment. Between those two things, full episodes of current shows online, and $1(ish) rentals from our local grocery store, we are pretty set with cheap entertainment.

2. Meal Plan~ I notice that when I meal plan, we stick to a budget. Real simple concept.  At first, I was overwhelmed with trying to come up with meals and snacks one to two weeks at a time.  When I got the hang of it, I realized it was much better than that overwhelming feeling of winging it at the grocery store, and not knowing how much I was going to spend at checkout.  There are numerous sources online that list out entire plans a week at a time if you don't want to think at all.  Many even have a grocery list to print off before you head out.  One of my favorites is GroceryBudget101.com. (click on link to go to the site)  I use this plan often and tweak it as I see fit.  Another great place to check out cheap, easy, and healthy meals is Pinterest.  Be careful, though, as many recipes are quite fancy and require lots of ingredients, so you could very well break your budget!

3. Thrift/Consignment Shop/Garage Sale~ I used to get that "ick" factor when thinking of shopping at thrift shops.  I went to a couple reputable consignment shops now and then, and would stop at clean garage sales, where I could see the source I was purchasing from, but places like Goodwill and the Salvation Army were off limits.  I let go of that high and mighty way of thinking and decided that the "ick" factor could be eliminated with a good washing or two.  Yes, there are these really handy appliances called washers and dryers that do wonders to clothes!  Now that I enjoy thrift shopping, I have a hard time even seeing the prices at Walmart! I've become that thrifty (or cheap, whatever you want to call it).  For instance, two of our children needed new winter boots this year.  I price checked at Walmart while we were picking up some groceries. About $25 for a pair of boots.  I decided to look at our local Goodwill and if I didn't find anything, I'd go back to Walmart and pick some up.  Jeff and I had recently dropped off a donation to Goodwill, so we had a 20% off coupon.  We ended up finding the boots we needed in the exact sizes and colors that worked for our kids for $11 total.  TWO pair of boots in good condition for $11?  I'll take that any day! It may take a bit more searching to find the things you want when shopping used, but your wallet will thank you for it.  I find great satisfaction in finding a good deal.  Welcoming hand-me-downs and gifts is free... I've let go of my pride and allowed others to bless us in that way as well.  I make sure to always pay it forward in some way, so as to be a blessing to others, too!

4.  DIY (do it/make it yourself)~ You can make anything these days, and you can use natural ingredients to avoid harsh chemicals as well!  Cleaning products, bath & body, cosmetics, clothing, knick knacks and other decor, quilts, toys, storage containers, the possibilities are endless!  I frequent Pinterest for new ideas and tips.  One of my newer and most exciting diy finds was from my wonderful sister-in-law and her friend: Homemade Liquid Laundry soap.  I love it! It works great and lasts forever! And it saves you a TON of money! Who wouldn't want to give it a try? You can find their recipe on their website: Real Moms, Real Messy, Blessed and Highly Favored. *Update* I now use a new recipe because our water is so hard that our clothes started looking dingy.  This new one has worked so well and I noticed a difference after the first wash!  If you'd like the recipe, email me and I'll send it to you. :) I am also a big fan of the Norwex microfiber cloths for the bulk of my cleaning. It saves me a lot on paper towels and cleaners and I am able to avoid harsh chemicals.  It's really a win-win! Check my Pinterest boards often to find great diy ideas.

5.  Cut up that Credit Card!~ Jeff and I haven't used a credit card in years... and I don't miss it one bit.  A good, wise motto to embrace is "If you don't have the money, don't buy it."  I'm not a fan of paying interest to a company that has no concern for my family's financial well-being.  I don't like debt, interest, or really anything to do with credit cards.  The thought of getting myself into debt makes my skin crawl.  If I have a card, you bet I'm going to forget my willpower and use & abuse it.  So, no credit cards in this house.  We don't need that kind of temptation. If you use credit cards, this is not a slam against your choice, this is just what we have chosen for ourselves. :)

6.  Drive a Car without a Payment~ This kind of goes along with the credit card concept.  I hated having car payments.  It was one more worry to add to the list, and one more bill to pay each month.  We now share a vehicle, which can be tricky at times, but I'd much rather save up and pay for a second car in full than to rush out and sign up for a lovely monthly payment with that dirty "i" word (interest).  I'm fine with driving a car that's not brand new... or fairly new.  As long as it runs and isn't hideous, I'm game!  Eliminating our car payments has eliminated stress and has given us a bit more freedom financially.  Totally worth it!

7. Turn Your Home into a Fun Place to Hang~ Purchase board games, movies (utilize Netflix), decorate in a way that's pleasing to the eye, buy comfortable furniture, de-clutter.... do whatever it takes to make your home a place you'd like to be.  If you have room for guests, have friends over once a week for games and appetizers.
  Exchanging your movie tickets for a rental at home saves big bucks.  You pay less for a box of microwave popcorn and a two-liter of Coke than you do for a tub of popcorn at the theater.
  Try new recipes and set the table with cloth napkins and your finest china to get the restaurant vibe going in your kitchen.  Don't have china? Grab some cute paper plates at the dollar store or use whatever dishes you have.  Use what you have and what you can afford to make your dinners at home fun and exciting.
  Embrace your family and learn to enjoy being with them.  If we focus on our family and loving the home we're in, we won't focus so much on what we're missing out on outside the home. Learn a new instrument or develop a new hobby with your spouse or children.  Find things to do that bring the family together and provide entertainment.  If you get creative, staying home won't feel like such a bummer.  You'll actually enjoy your time and won't miss going out all the time.  This will save you big bucks!

  While Jeff and I are forever learning how to be responsible with our finances, we have come so far and have rid ourselves of a lot of unnecessary stresses by following these guidelines.  We have a long way to go, but I find comfort in knowing we are on the right track.

  What tips could you share that will help us stretch our money?  I'd love to hear them!

~Em

We Have Much To Be Thankful For

  In this country, with all of its excess, it's easy to look at the things we don't have.  We want more.  We want bigger, better, fancier things.  It's hard to be content when we're looking at everything everyone else has.
  My husband, children, and I live quite a modest life in comparison to many of the people we know.  We share a vehicle that sits in a driveway, rather than a garage. Our kids share rooms. We mostly shop at consignment and thrift stores, and we welcome hand-me-downs with minimal objection.  We eat at home more often than not.  We limit our outings, even just to visit friends, so as to preserve our gas.
  I used to see all that my friends were doing, buying, enjoying, and a part of me would turn green with envy.  I didn't like that I couldn't give my kids all the experiences I had as a child, or all of the newest, coolest toys on the market.  I didn't like that I had to make due with the clothes I had because we didn't have the money for weekly shopping sprees.
  I was sad.  I was heartbroken and I felt I wasn't giving my kids enough.  My outlook hurt my husband, who works his rear end off to provide for us.  Because I felt we didn't have enough, he felt that he wasn't good enough.  Ouch.
  The Lord did a number on my heart.  He showed me everything we DO have, and I am so grateful for the flip of that switch.  I have a husband who is faithful and loves me through thick and thin. I have four beautiful children who find joy in the smallest of things.  I have a house that is truly a home, no matter its size, location, or lack of bells and whistles.  I have the privilege of staying home and homeschooling my children. I have parents, in-laws, siblings, and friends who love me and support me and my family.  There is always food on the table. I receive grace and love from Jesus. My family's needs are always met one way or another.
  We have everything we need, and enough of what we want.  We are blessed!!!  I still struggle with the wants of this world sometimes.  I'm human.  Now it's easier to switch gears and remember all that I have instead of all that I want.  When I focus on that, life becomes happier; more peaceful.  I am content, no... I am satisfied.

My Family, Fall 2011. 

  Are you struggling with your desire to accumulate more?  Do you wish you could have a better life?  I want to encourage you to turn your focus from the things you don't have to the things you have, the things that bless you.  Turn your eyes to Jesus and His Word.  Allow Him to show you the blessings He's given you.  Here are a few verses I turn to when I need a reminder of my blessings.  I hope they speak to you and bring you comfort and peace.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Matthew 6:33

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Philippians 4:6-8

 And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

*All verses come from the New King James Version

  

I pray you will be blessed and be thankful in all seasons.

~Em

He is My All in All

  I've been feeling really discouraged about some things over the past few days. Really discouraged.  I've been sensing that life is actively trying to beat me down.  Things were going a little too well and Satan was getting uncomfortable.  I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.
  So tonight, I was thumbing through a Bible my dad had given me when I was thirteen.  I recently passed it along to my oldest son (11), but we keep it by our school books for family devotions.  I loved this Bible. Still do.  There are encouraging words and tidbits throughout the pages to help young minds understand Scriptures.  I have many handwritten notes in the margins.
  I was looking for a word or two of encouragement and I came across a passage I had underlined years ago:

"Even though the fig trees are all destroyed, and there is neither blossom left nor fruit; though the olive crops all fail, and the fields lie barren; even if the flocks die in the fields and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will be happy in the God of my salvation.  The Lord God is my strength; he will give me the speed of a deer and bring me safely over the mountains." 

~ Habakkuk 3:17-19 (TLB)  

Bingo! Then, to add some more goodness onto this encouraging word, I noticed a blue star next to the last verse.  I looked over to the following page and saw some lyrics written in the same blue ink:

"You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my all in all"  

 This was taken from the worship song "You Are My All in All" by Dennis Jernigan.  I remember singing it many times as a teen and young adult.  I haven't heard it in a while.  Reading those blue words on that page did something to me.  It brought me the comfort I longed for.  He IS my strength when I am weak. 

  Finally, I noticed a bit more of my teenage chicken scratch on the page.  I wrote my thoughts on the verses I had read; what I got out of them. "God will always be here for us, through thick and thin.  He will stick by our side."  Back then, I sort of understood things, or at least I tried, but I'm sure I had no clue of the impact those words would have on me in the future.  I truly believe the Lord used that moment and my naive hands to pen those words for this very night. God knew that I'd be hurting, worried, and worn down tonight.  He knew I would need to be uplifted, even in the smallest of ways.  He knew those words would touch my soul better than anything else and I am blown away!  

My Bible from my teenage years. :)

  God sees our pain: past, present, and future.  He feels for us and He wants to comfort us in ways that truly reach our souls.  He knows what we need.  He may not meet those needs in our timing, but He will meet those needs in His...perfect...timing.  He has given me not only encouragement and comfort tonight, but peace, hope, and joy.  The words I shared might mean absolutely nothing to you, but they spoke volumes to me.  The ways He reaches out to you might not relate to me, but they were tailored to fit you!  Isn't it amazing that He cares enough to speak to us in ways that we will hear and understand? Isn't it wonderful that He knows our hearts and just what we need when we need it?

  If you're struggling tonight, I encourage you to reach out to Him.  Pray, open your Bible, worship.... do whatever you need to do to connect with your Father and allow Him to speak to you in your special language.  I pray that you'll be encouraged and that you will use that encouragement to reach out to others who are hurting as well.  Share the love and light that is Jesus.  Use your experiences to be a beacon of hope for the hurting.  Blessings!

~Em

   

Silence is Golden

  I love my children.  I love being home with them every day.  I enjoy our morning routine of breakfast, chores, family devotions, and school lessons.  Our mornings are far from perfect, but they are ours. I cherish the time I have with the kids and I pray that these moments will provide fond memories for them when they are grown.
  However, by the time lunch rolls around, I'm usually ready to throw in the towel.  While child-rearing has its blessings and rewards, it can also drain you down to a pile of mush. We parents put our all into our children.  We sing, laugh, and play with them.  We teach and learn from them.  We kiss boo boos and break up fights.  It can take a toll on even the strongest of minds.
  Enter: Quiet Time! Ahhh.... I rather enjoy a few minutes of time alone.  Cuddles and conversations are welcomed activities, but a momma can use a little R&R in her day.  My quiet time usually involves a good, long stare at a wall or a quick (sometimes not so quick) skimming of my Facebook newsfeed. Other times I'll read or journal.  Sleeping is fun, too! Guess what I'm doing during quiet time today? ;)
  Here are our Quiet Time requirements for the kids:  Since all of my children have outgrown their naps, we separate into our own little corners of the house after lunch.
  My 4 and 6 year olds must be in their bedrooms.  They can play quietly (alone) if they'd like, but they must stay put until quiet time is over.  If they fall asleep while reading, that is a bonus! Judging from the silence I hear right now, they are both in la la land. Oh, sweet icing on top of a delicious peaceful cake.
  My 9 and 11 year olds must park it on a couch or sit at the table and do quiet activities like reading, unfinished schoolwork, age appropriate computer games, or drawing.... alone! They are more than welcome to sleep if they'd like, but that is a rare occurrence.
  There is no talking during quiet time.  Silence is golden, remember? ;)  It does a person good to be alone for a bit.  It gives us time to wind down and recharge for some more fun and chaos.
  Our quiet time lasts 1 hour minimum.  After one hour, the older kids are ready to hang out.  Sometimes the littles fall asleep, so we continue keeping the noise down until everyone is awake. (90 minutes strong and still going today! I'll take it!)
  There is resistance from my littles most days.  They "need" to come out of their rooms to go potty twenty times, or to ask when quiet time will be over.  Since I'm such a stickler for time alone, I give them a reminder that they must stay in their rooms. If they come out a second time, other than for a legit potty break, I extend their quiet time.  This has proven to work really well, especially for my youngest, because she is little miss social.  If there is threat to spend time alone longer than necessary, she pipes down and serves her time quietly.
  When quiet time is over, we get back to being social and we're able to do that with much more ease than if we were to throw out quiet time altogether.  I definitely notice when we've skipped over our quiet time. Cranky kids, cranky Mom, cat fights, and meltdowns abound.  No fun! Quiet time for all, I say!

  Do you require quiet/nap times in your home?  How does that work for you?  What advantages do you find in having some time to yourself during the day?  Please share! :)

Hello, Monday!

  I love Mondays!  I know. Weird, right?  There's just something about a fresh start that brings a smile to my face and a warm, fuzzy feeling to my heart.  I know that "Monday" is a dirty word to most.  So here are a few things I did to take my feelings from loathing to loving this infamous day:

• Give yourself LOTS of grace on Mondays.  Did you hit snooze one too many times? Dragging yourself (possibly kicking and screaming) out of bed?  Sloppily caking the peanut butter on the kids' toast because you just don't feel like making breakfast? I, for one, have a hard time revving up my engine in the morning, and Mondays are no exception. I basked in the gloriousness of having my husband home all weekend, and now I have to step up my game once again.  I used to mentally beat myself up every Monday for every.little.mistake I made.  I played the comparison game, told myself how other moms were probably handling each situation better.  It got old... fast!  So I got on my knees and asked the Lord to show me how to approach Mondays His way: Gracefully.  No, not in the Swan Lake, beautiful ballerina way.  He wants us to give ourselves a break.  Just as He is a God of grace and forgiveness, He'd like us to apply that to ourselves.  Did you mess up?  Acknowledge that, forgive yourself, and move on!  Dwelling in your mistakes will only cause your day to crash further into a humdrum of self-loathing and "what-ifs."  Be gracious to yourself and to your kids.  Understand that starting over can sometimes take multiple tries.  That's okay.  Be nice to yourself when things don't go your way and give yourself that pat on the back you deserve when things go according to plan.
• Focus on the positives.  Monday is like a "start over" button.  Take advantage! Did you have a bad week last week?  Start over!  You get to tackle this week in a way that you've never done before. Search for those things that make you smile, and celebrate them!  Did one of your children do something kind for a sibling?  Point it out and shower them with praise! Is one of your little ones extra cuddly today? Praise God! They sensed you needed a pick-me-up and they wanted to bless you in their own, sweet little way.  There are lots of blessings to be thankful for every day... even on Mondays!
• Plan Ahead!  If I am unprepared, we are faced with nothing short of chaos on Monday mornings.  I try to take an hour or two every Sunday afternoon or evening to prepare my heart and mind for the week to come.  I also go over lesson plans, put together to-do lists, meal plan, and try to get the house organized and ready for all of our activities and projects.  This has helped me to sleep better on Sunday night, knowing that I can get up, grab a cup of coffee, and get going with our school day Monday morning.  Preparation is key to a successful Monday!
• Add in some fun! To curb boredom right from the get-go, I like to add in at least one fun activity to give the kids something to look forward to each week.  The first Monday of every month we have "Pinterest Day" in place of our regular schooling.  We do our family devotions, math, and reading as usual, but then we throw out the rest and dig in to projects, science experiments, fun worksheets, games, and other great finds we've discovered on Pinterest.  It makes for a great day.  Other ways I like to mix it up on Mondays would include picnic lunches (indoors or out), student-led classes (my older kids thoroughly enjoy this), movie day (to replace our afternoon quiet time), and anything else my kids might suggest the week before.  I like to pull from ideas the kids bring to me because adding in the fun is that much more exciting when they come up with it on their own! 
• Stop giving Monday so much power!  It is only a day.  No more powerful or evil than any other day.  The fact that we dread it so much is silly, if you really think about it.  Why give so much credit to a measly day when the Creator of that day is in control?  God has got your back! A day is only made up of hours. Hours are made up of minutes.  Minutes, seconds.  Take one minute at a time if you have to, but realize that it's not Monday you're fighting.  Satan thrives when we have a negative outlook.  He LOVES that we hate Mondays and he uses that to his advantage.  Put the power back in God's court.  He wants nothing but goodness and blessings for you and He wants your companionship.  When we look away to spit on Monday, we're turning away from His face.  Keep your eyes on Jesus and Monday will become a blessing instead of a burden.  

How do you embrace Monday in a positive light?  What tips and tricks can you share with others to help them wake up and welcome Monday with a smile?  

Squash Perfection

  There is so much pressure this day in age to fit into the mold society has laid out for us.  You have to be a certain size, have so much money, own the right house/car, wear the best clothes, parent a certain way, vote to please, and on and on and on.  It is exhausting to live up to such ridiculous standards!
  People go to great lengths to portray the perfect image.  Many go into debt to show how much money they "have," people work out to the point of exhaustion and starve themselves to death to fit into the ideal size jeans. Women spend hundreds of dollars on their hair, nails, and skin. People cram so many activities into their schedule just to feel busy and important.
  I would beat myself up on a daily basis for not fitting into these perfect bounds.  My husband and I don't use credit cards, so we have no choice but to live within our means.  I am happy we live this way.  I used to be ashamed to shop at certain stores, or to not be able to shop at others.  I was embarrassed that we couldn't buy the best and the newest of everything for our kids. Now I realize that we have all we need and plenty of what we want.  My focus has shifted from the things we don't have to the things we do.  I have so much to be thankful for and I am blessed.
  I saw how awesome all of these "bloggers" and "pinterest-worthy" moms were at being crafty and creative with their kids.  I saw how I was falling extremely short with the typical standards for discipline, media, and extracurricular activities.  I began to loathe how awful I was at being the perfect mother. Despite my lack of creative flair and soccer mom qualities, I was made to be the mother of my children.  No one else could fill that role.
  My weight has been a pain ever since I had kids.  I'd try to lose weight and fail or lose and gain it all back, and then some.  I was wearing myself thin trying to fit into the standards "they" have set for us.  Stressing out over how my body looked did more damage than if I were to just focus on being as healthy as I could in that moment.  I did more damage to myself by holding back in many areas of life because of how I looked instead of grabbing life by the horns and not caring about what others thought when they looked at me.
  I would drag myself through the mud and back again over the areas in which I felt I had not measured up.  I beat myself up pretty hard.  I was looking at everything I did wrong and everything everyone else did right.  Then I woke up.  God showed me who I am in Him and that none of this ridiculous crap even matters in the end.
  I give my all to my kids, and on the days I can't, I give what I have.  I try to spend our family's hard-earned money wisely (an ongoing struggle). I pray each day so that I can open my heart to the uplifting things God has to say to me.  I'm learning how to block out those pressures the world places on me and just hear from the One who matters.
  If you are struggling to fit into a mold that wasn't designed for you, I want to encourage you to really meditate on what God made you to be.  Dig into His word and listen to His voice.  Allow Him to show you who YOU are.  Forgive yourself when you mess up, and let go of those unattainable and irrational standards you may have set for yourself.  Since I have done this, I have felt so FREE and have experienced so much joy and peace that I can hardly contain myself.
  You were not made to be that perfect actress you idolize.  You were not made to be the perfect neighbor you envy.  You were not made to be your perfect sister, your perfect mother, or your perfect best friend.  God made you to be perfectly you. Embrace all that you are and let God tell you what needs to be improved upon. It's a long and draining process, one which I am still going through, but it is worth it!   Stomp on, spit at, SQUASH the world's idea of perfection and enjoy life in the way that is perfectly suited for you. You are worth more than your struggle to be someone you just aren't meant to be.  You are worthy of being YOU!

~Em