I don't know about you, but as time marches on, I feel more and more pressured by many of the "friendships" I have. It seems these days that it is no longer about quality friendships and those bonds you form with people, but about what you can do for them. It's more about the stuff, the money, the status of it all. It's more about how you can make them look like the raddest, prettiest, most fantastic person on the planet.
Don't get me wrong, I still have a handful of friendships that are the real deal. I appreciate those women more than they will ever know. I find though, that as soon as you decide to stop showering people with gifts, or stop buying every little trinket from home parties or Facebook parties, those friends start slipping away. Which, in all reality, is the best thing for us. Do we really want to hold on to synthetic friendships when we can have organic, real, genuine relationships with people?
As a side note, I realize that being involved with an at home "business" of sorts might make some of my friends feel pressured. I don't want that at all! Not at all! I am promoting something I believe in and something that I feel can help my friends and their families, but I don't hold it against someone when they choose to take another route, and I certainly don't want anyone to feel like they need to buy my products in order to keep me happy. I love my friends regardless of those petty pressures we so often put ourselves under. Buy what you like, don't buy what you don't, and just hang out with me when you can. Isn't that how it should be?
I've noticed that I've become a bit more introverted over the years... much to my family's benefit. I don't put so much effort and so many of my feelings into friendships that have no value. I have more energy and happy feelings to put into my family. Not to say that I don't have my bad days or weeks, but overall, since I decided that it's far more about the quality of my friendships, rather than the quantity of friends I have, I have become much, much more content.
I've slowly been putting forth more effort into friendships again, and with that comes both the good and the bad. Unfortunately, many people still see their friends as numbers, and not so much as individuals that can bring something of substance into their lives.
While I'm not the best friend on the planet, I do care about my friends... even when I can't always physically be there or financially support their ventures. I'm more of the kind of friend who focuses on "heart" matters, rather than surface stuff. Need to talk something out? I'm your gal! Want to enjoy a laid back night with my family and some good grilled food? You've come to the right place! Want me to shower you with gifts and extravagant trips? Sorry... you'll have to keep looking.
Energy drainers, selfishness, and people who care only about their image suck the life right out of me and I just don't have it in me to pretend anymore. I will be kind to all, I will love most everyone I come into contact with, but most people will be loved from a distance at this point. I'm finally at a point where I can feel comfortable with that. I'm finally at a point where I don't need to attempt to keep everyone I know happy.
I've had many supporters and teachers along the way who have helped me come to this new-ish way of thinking. My parents, in-laws, husband (he is the king of setting the right priorities in life), my sister-in law, and the list goes on. I appreciate that these people have been so patient with me over the years, and that they never gave up on me or saw me as a lost cause. They saw that I am a sensitive person who picks up on other people's feelings quite easily, and they saw that I needed to fine tune my "gift", so to speak, so that it would no longer be a curse as well. I have a long way to go, but when I look back and see how far I've come, I am happy that I have made great progress.
Life can be so difficult. We think it's hard when we're teens, but it only gets tougher as we age... especially as our children start nearing those teenage years. I want to be that good example of balance for my kids. I want to show them how to be kind to others without allowing them to walk all over them. I want them to know that they and their dad are my top priorities, and that while friendships are important, family always comes first.
I am still so new to getting this right that I don't have words of wisdom to share, other than the experiences I've had. It's a never-ending battle, but I am winning, bit by bit, as I reach for my goal of being pleasing to God, my husband, and my children, first and foremost.
If you're fighting a similar battle today, or a battle of any sort at all, know that you are in my prayers and that I am cheering you on! Focus on your family and those friends who bring quality benefits and goodness into your life, who you can bless in the same way... not in the materialistic sense, but in the spiritual, emotional way. Be blessed, friends. Know that the Lord is fighting the good fight with you and he's holding your hand as you navigate your way through this confusing and adventurous life.
~Em
