How the Robin Williams Tragedy Hits Close to Home

    Sometimes the people who seem the happiest on the outside are absolutely tormented on the inside.  Robin Williams is just one example of a person such as this.  His death has impacted me more than I let on.  I actually wanted to avoid talking about it altogether, because it has stirred up a lot of emotions in me, and a lot of reminders of my not-to-distant past.

    For those of you who do not know me well, and for those who are new to my blog, I suffered from severe depression.  Depression that almost ruined my marriage.  Depression that wrapped its ugly fingers around my very core.  Depression that could have, and came very close to a similar end result as Mr. Williams' had it not been for my lifelong relationship with the Lord and those people who fought so hard for me.  Not many knew about my depression... and only a couple knew about my fleeting thoughts of suicide.  This issue is a very real, very scary, extremely embarrassing, often invisible fight.  It took a lot for me to write about it last year, and it still scares the snot out of me to write about it today, but now that I'm in a place where life is livable again, and I feel true joy and peace, I need to speak up.  I need others to know they are not alone and that they are not horrible people for going through this.  Here are two of my previous blogs on depression, if you'd like to read them: the first is my story and a bit on how to approach a loved one who is going through such a difficult mindset: A Glimmer of Hope.  The second is a sort of update/bit of encouragement, and a look into how I personally found my way out: There Is Hope.

    People often like to blame a person and the way they live their life for their depression.  While choices can absolutely affect the degree of one's depression, it is incredibly important that you NOT start pointing the finger and try to fix them when you have no clue what they are going through.  Many people experience depression at some point in their life.... depression can be brought on by life's circumstances.  BUT in this instance (I believe), and in my circumstance, it is a lifelong battle, whether the depression is felt at all times or not.  I will not have someone tell me I'm living my life the wrong way, so I had it coming.  My life is wonderful, my circumstances are pretty ideal.... I love Jesus with all my heart, I have a solid marriage, I put so much into my kids..... so to tell me that it is my fault... or to tell another that it is their fault that they suffer is infuriating to me.  Don't do it.  Each case of depression is different from the next.  The best thing we can do to help our loved ones is to be there for them, to pray for them, to bring as much joy into their lives as possible.  Leave the condemnation, the unsolicited advice, and the finger pointing at the door.  All of that can cause so much more damage than has already been done.  A depressed person feels enough guilt as it is; we don't need to add more kindling to the fire.

    If you are suffering from depression, know that I feel so deeply for you.  I understand what that feels like, even if I'm not in your exact situation.  I pray for you, my heart aches for you, and I am here for you, however you need me to be.  Knowing Jesus, finding support in loved ones, and doing your best to climb out of this is all wonderful... but please don't beat yourself up when you find that these relationships and efforts don't always envelop you in light and joy.  When you find those moments of peace, enjoy them to the fullest, and figure out what you've been doing and how you can continue to feel at ease.  This fight is an uphill battle, but you can get through this.  Remember that there are people who love and pray for you, even if you don't see them.  I say all this, not as advice, because what works for me may not work for you.... but I say this to encourage you, to show you that there are ways to enjoy life again; you just have to find them.  I have faith that you will!  I look forward to hearing your success story, and I encourage you to share with others who may be hurting, so they may be inspired to find the light at the end of their tunnels.

    One more thing.... and I stress this!  Suicide is NEVER the answer.  There is always hope, even when you can't see it.  Don't be too ashamed to reach out for help.  Find a loved one, a pastor, call a hotline.... do whatever you can to find value in your life.  You ARE valuable, you ARE worthy of living a life of happiness, you ARE an important part of society, and you WOULD ABSOLUTELY, WITHOUT DOUBT, be INCREDIBLY missed if you chose to end your life.  So please, if you've gotten to the point of what you feel to be no return, please, please, please seek help.  Each life is too precious, too fragile, too valuable to throw away....  don't let the darkness swallow you whole.  Don't let it win.  Choose LIFE.  <3

    Rest in peace, dear Robin.  You were loved by many.  You will always hold a special place in my heart.

~Em

This was me, doing my best to put on a happy face during one of my very darkest times.  The torment isn't always visible.  Always walk in love.  Always.