If you have a Facebook account or have read comments on any controversial article on the internet, you know just how mean people can be when they're trying to further their cause. I'm no stranger to stooping, and I am not proud of myself for doing so.
I typically see those types of interactions and run the other way.... fast! I don't like debate. I'm not great at stating my case, especially with adrenaline pumping through my body. I'm not a genius. I'll read statistics on something and almost immediately forget the details. I can remember the gist of things, but "the gist of things" doesn't get you anywhere if you're trying to prove a point. Anyway, debate stresses me out. It makes me feel icky. I don't like reading it, I don't like taking part in it.... unless it's cordial and friendly and on safe ground.
Being the raging rebel I am, I sometimes disagree with some of the things my parents say (sorry Mom and Dad), but I usually nod my head in agreement and let them talk because, well, they're my parents. They must have raised me right...I have a healthy respect for them...most days. *wink* In all seriousness, I realize that maybe I should be more bold in conversations. Not to the point of being a jerk, but I shouldn't be afraid to have a different opinion and make that known. There is such a fine line between agreeing to disagree and stirring up bad feelings, so I am still trying to define it, 31 years into my life. Yes, I am a slow learner. Then again, from some of the things I've heard or read, I think many of us are a bit behind on the etiquette of respectful disagreement.
Recently, I read through a debate that made my stomach hurt. I saw that a loved one was being cornered and "bullied" for her opinions, even after she left the conversation. I have tunnel vision. I am the ultimate mother bear. I didn't look so much at what she said. I just saw that she was alone in this and I saw red. I caved. I stooped. I called people out for being mean, but I was so caught up in my emotions that I didn't notice how harshly I responded. I was just as mean in my defense of my loved one as the people I was calling out. Now my stomach not only hurt, but my conscience was screaming.
It is quite humbling to go back and read something you said out of anger. It is painful and shameful and utterly embarrassing. BUT, I am so glad I picked up on my bad behavior. I'm so glad God showed me those words and how hurtful I was. I apologized to the person I snapped at, hard as that was. I thank God he reminded me of the value of that person, who's friendship I almost jeopardized over one small argument.
I've been so focused on how much I hate the bickering that I became the person that committed the crime. I apologize to anyone else who has been in the path of my angry word spewing in the past. I know it's not pretty and I am sorry.
I think we all need to take a long, hard look at ourselves and our motives. It is awesome to be passionate about things. It is wonderful to take a stand for something we believe in, but when we start tearing down the spirits of others, it becomes ugly and sinful. It is a privilege to live in a place where we have a right to our own opinions. It is also a burden at times. It is a burden when we allow the love of our beliefs to open us up to hate for those who disagree. We're all a bunch of tornadoes destroying anything that stands in our way. It's tragic.
Parents start acting like children when disagreeing on discipline, immunizations, breastfeeding, and even diapering. Christians start embracing sinful attitudes to fight for their biblical beliefs. There are even unhealthy wars over the healthiest diet/lifestyle to embrace. Homeschoolers vs. public schoolers. Democrats vs. Republicans. Religion. Race. Sexual orientation. Family size. Even choice in music becomes an issue. Friendly people become trolls.... correcting grammar, spewing statistics, calling names, and folding their arms in smug satisfaction when they've beaten their opponent far enough into the ground.
We need to stop this, friends! We need to get to the root of the problem and nip this in the bud. We need to look into our hearts and remember how we feel when someone talks down to us because of our beliefs. We need to look at our loved ones and remember why we love them. We need to set our differences aside and and just stinking love each other already. Is all of this worth it in the end? Really?
How do you want to be remembered? Do you want to be known as the person who always had to be right, or do you want to be remembered as the person who spoke in love, even when others didn't agree with your stance? Do you want to be the villain or the hero (not the super cool villains you see in the movies... I'm talking about a real low life scumbag)? Would you rather your children keep fighting your petty fights for you long after you're gone, or do you want them to develop a strong, impressive, noble character?
I know that I have a long road ahead of me to become the person I'm talking about. The person who is pleasing to God in all circumstances. The person who radiates love and kindness. I try, but I fall flat on my face time and time again. But you know what? No matter how many times I fall, I'm going to keep reaching for that noble, godly, peacekeeping person I know is deep, deep inside. I want to be that person for my kids, for my husband. I want to leave this earth knowing I had done everything I could to show the love of Jesus to others, even if that means keeping my mouth shut and sacrificing my "need" to be right on every little issue.
I've talked about this before, and I'll continue coming back to it, because we are all works in progress. We can all use a lot more love and a lot less hate. We could all stand to be wrong every once in a while. We could all stand to let others believe they are right (even though it takes everything in us not to tell them just how wrong they are). We can all gain some patience, gentleness, and self-control. We will all benefit from a little humility. Let's rise above the pettiness this world embraces and seek unity. We were created to build each other up, support one another, and make this life worth living. Why don't we?
Let's stop looking at the failures of those around us and start working on our own demons. Lord, forgive us for losing sight of who we were meant to be for the sake of a good argument. Rid us of our tunnel vision and allow us to truly see the people we're impacting with our words. Help us through these issues, because we so desperately need You.
~Em
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