Be Present in the Present

  

  I'm always looking to the future.  I look forward to what is to come.  Often, I find that I'm neglectful of the present when planning, dreaming, and hoping for a great future.  I feel like the Lord purposefully gives me tiny glimpses for what is to come so that I don't completely forget what is in the here and now.

  For example, about a year and a half ago, God placed Louisiana on my heart.  In this instance, the tiny glimpses came one right after another.  Instead of waiting on Him to show me the way, I began researching like crazy.  Of course, He knew I'd do this, so He used it to show me more than I would have seen had I not hopped on the Internet.  While we are still here in good ol' Michigan, I do believe the day will come that we will pack up, leave this Mitten and head down to that boot-shaped state.

  Looking back, I see that God gave me a head start.  A really, really long head start.  He knew that when He planted Louisiana in my heart I would obsess, worry, and plan like the rigid planner I am.  For a while, I forgot to live in the here and now.  I was physically in Michigan, but my mind was in the swampy south.  I became anxious because I was trying to take all of that into my own hands.  I wanted to make the move happen when I wanted it to happen.  Clearly, those weren't God's plans.  He didn't place Louisiana on my heart for me to uproot my family and run away from where I was.  He wants us to go there on His terms and in His timing.  I still find myself guessing when that will be.  "Oh, I'm sure it's at least 10 years down the road," or sometimes I'll say, "We might move a year from now."  I can really sound like a crazy person.  I need to give control back to God and let Him call the shots.  If He has us move there tomorrow, we're going to do it.  If the move isn't meant to happen until all of our kids are grown, we will wait.  God's timing is much more simple than we make it out to be.  We're the ones who complicate it by trying to take over.

  I believe He put Louisiana on my heart when He did not only to prepare me, but to heal me during a really confusing and dark time in my life.  He wanted to give me hope for my family's future.  He wanted to give me something to grasp on to when I felt I was sinking faster and faster by the minute.  Sometimes, in our dark and hopeless seasons, we forget that time moves forward.  Sometimes we think that the place we're in is where we'll be until the day we die.  We so desperately want out of our situation that we forget to wait on God and His almighty plan for our lives and the lives of our loved ones.

  Another example from my own life, and I've touched on this before, is Jeff's and my desire to leave our family size up to God.  This was a HUGE step for me.  Things like this seem to come a lot easier to Jeff.  I guess he's just more trusting than I.  I thought I was done birthing babies.  I didn't feel fit to parent more than four children.  I struggled with comparing myself to other moms, especially my own, and saw that I fall short in so many ways.

 Being the "all or nothing" kind of gal, when we decided that maybe we weren't done growing our family, I thought I should turn that "maybe" into a "definitely."  Conceiving always came easy to us, so it wasn't that we were actively trying, but in my mind, since we stopped preventing, I should have been pregnant that first month.  That's how it always worked before.

  A couple months went by and the only morning sickness I experienced was in my head.  I started looking around at all these women I know who were pregnant.  Some by accident, and some very purposefully.  A couple women who are close to me became pregnant unexpectedly, and I began to feel sorry for myself.  Very, very sorry.  I've never felt or understood that kind of pain before.  I've never longed for a child with no results.  I was spoiled.  I asked God why I would open my heart to the possibility of more children only to be shut down and have other women's pregnancies shoved in my face.  Why would He allow me to suffer like that when I was only seeking His will?

  Of course, silly me.... I wasn't seeking His will.  I was seeking my own.  God didn't open my heart to have me force my family's growth.  He opened my heart so I would allow Him to control whether or not we add to our family.  I was supposed to give it up to Him COMPLETELY.  I was already trying to live in the future... a future I wasn't for sure was certain.

  Thankfully I've gotten to the point in both instances, and many others, where I can just "let go and let God," as they say.  I'm done trying to make things happen my way, and I'm done putting so much focus on my future that I forget to appreciate all the blessings I currently have.  I have so many blessings!  I have love, and love abundant! My future is in GOOD hands, and so is yours.

  If you're fretting about what the future holds; if you're holding your breath, waiting on whatever is on the horizon, I've been there.  I know how it feels.  Let me tell you, it is a whole lot better giving your future up to God and learning to live in and enjoy the present.  There's no list of steps to take to get to this point.  There's no secret formula.  It might take something drastic to wrap your mind around the concept, but the only way to do it is to give it to God.  He holds the keys to your future and He wants a good, fulfilling, blessed future for you.  Gift your family and friends with your presence and let God handle whatever takes you away from those who love and need you now. Being present in the present is exhilarating, even for those of us who are sticklers for a good, solid plan.  I can't enforce this phrase enough: "Let go and let God!"  Be blessed today!

~Em