When traveling through your parenting journey, you encounter guilt trips of all kinds. Guilt trips from family members, guilt trips from your children (power struggle, anyone?), and the infamous guilt trips from other moms. You know the ones: they have an opposing view to yours and will move heaven and earth to try to get you to see just how right they are. What fun! Glorious, enlightening fun! Or not...
You see, we all have those things that bring the passion out of us. The key is sharing those passions without making other moms feel like complete dopes for not agreeing with us. The key is to allow people to have different viewpoints without throwing out that dreaded guilt trip in an attempt to win whatever imaginary battle we're all "fighting" these days.
The big hulabaloo I often see is which foodie lifestyle we should follow. You've got vegans spouting off at those insensitive carnivores, and then you have cave men & women.... I mean paleo-faithfuls going gung-ho ballistic on people who eat wheat, or whatever it is they're against. You've got the couponers buying boxed foods, raving about how much they save (which is awesome, mind you) while the organic hippies are looking down their noses in disgust at the toxins those couponers are force-feeding their children. You get where I'm going here? Everyone is right and everyone who doesn't agree with that particular mindset is wrong.
I am very particular about following a whole foods diet as closely as possible. I prefer organic fruits and vegetables, and use meat and treats sparingly. That being said, you WILL catch me at McDonalds now and then and you WILL see me purchasing things like Cheez Its and frozen pizzas from the grocery store. For a long, long time, I was utterly ashamed of myself for caving in such a way. How dare I go against what I so fondly "preach" about. But you know, I just don't care anymore. I don't care that I like to take the easy way out of dinner when I don't feel like cooking. I don't care that someone somewhere is going to find something wrong with something in my grocery cart 99.9% of the time. I just don't care.
Then there is the whole medical debate. It's typically between those darn hippies and what they so lovingly call "sheeple." I err on the hippie side of things, but you won't see me telling another parent what road to take when it comes to the health of their children. I am all for doctors and the widsom they bring to the table, but I am also all for a parent's intuition, the plentiful goodness nature provides, and the Holy Spirit's leading, so I believe all of those wonderful resources can be combined to come up with the best solution to any medical problem we have. Go with nature, pray, or put your trust in modern medicine... or be like me and have a swirled up combo of some sort. It's your choice! You have your children for a reason... you know what's best for them. Who am I to tell you how to approach their health and wellness?
There are so many other debates where parents are pitted against each other because of their views. It is tremendously overwhelming at times and I just want to shout "STOOOOOOOOPPPP!!!!!!" I think it is wonderful that people have that desire to educate each other, but there comes a point when we cross that line and things become ugly and hurtful and it needs to end!
We live in a day in age where these sort of battles can haunt us to our core and I decided to throw it all out the window and go with MY (and the hubby's) gut on the decisions we make for our family. I'm done hiding because someone will see I am not living up to that unrealistic potential I so longingly desire to achieve. If I want to eat a darn cookie, I'll eat that cookie. If I want to feed one to my kid *gasp!* I have every right to do so.
Just get along. When you see something that grinds your gears, take a breath, count to ten, do a little jig, and keep moving on. If you feel the need to correct someone or educate them for whatever reason, do it with kindness and love. Don't belittle them for being a dimwit. Don't scorn them for being naive. We get so much flack from so many places. I want to make it a priority to speak in love to others, even when I disagree with them. If, one by one, we can all start turning those scowls into smiles, and those arguments into healthy, friendly discussions, this world could be a much happier place.
Cut each other some slack. Respect each other. Realize that God has gifted us with brains of our own and what works for some people might not work for others. Eat that burger and large fry without shame. Plant that organic garden in your yard. Do what you feel led to do and be proud of it! Share your thoughts and your dreams and your goals for your life in a way that is respectful to others. It's possible! It really is.
Peace, love, and happiness, friends.
~That ever-growing hippie chick with a sheeple-ish grin. :)
~Our Family~
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
A Special Announcement and Those Nagging Questions....
Our family is growing, yet again, and I couldn't be more thrilled about it. We have made our announcement to our closest family and friends, and then quickly made it "official" on our personal Facebook pages, since we knew word would spread quickly. So here's my blog announcement: We're thrilled to announce that we're expecting Baby Terry #5 in December! :-D
As each day passes, I go through a whole slew of emotions, like any expectant mother would. This baby is very much wanted and that never changes, but I do notice when I'm around people who are skeptical of large families, their doubts try to take hold in my mind. Am I cut out for this? Are we doing right by the kids we have? Is this really the right move to make? Well, let me tell you, there's no turning back now, so those thoughts can be tossed in the trash, thank you very much!
Here's the thing: I've always wanted a big family. I've always loved kids, and I love them even more now that I have my own. Today, having a large family is often looked down upon, and my conflict-avoiding self can't exactly dodge the comments and interrogations that come from those concerned people who think we're being a bit extravagant in our family-growing ways. There's nothing I can do about those people, other than to brush their comments off my shoulder and to continue being happy with what is to come for us.
I've got some answers to the questions people like to ask. I'll try to be as kind as possible in my response, but know that I am full of raging hormones, therefore I'll ask forgiveness, just in case I give a cold answer with the look of death in my eyes. ;)
Aren't you concerned about quality time with each child? Of course we are! As of right now, Jeff works a second shift job, so our "Alone Nights" with the kids fall on my shoulders.... and that is a responsibility I eagerly accept. In addition to praising each child's individuality, strengths, accomplishments, and gifts, we strive to have "alone nights" once a week with each child. As our family grows, those alone nights may be spaced out, but they will happen, and we will continue to enjoy them until the kids are grown and have families of their own. Since we currently have to enjoy alone nights at home most of the time, we do what we can to make them special. The kids often get to choose a special snack, a show or movie to watch, or an activity to do with Mom. We've also allowed them to pick an alone night buddy to tag along, if they choose to have one. We enjoy games, spa nights, long talks, and Netflix marathons with the kids. As soon as our nights free up a bit, Jeff and I will take turns carting the kids to various outings on their own (ice cream, putt putt, bowling, etc.). We do what we can when we can do it and we always make sure that our kids know just how special they are and how much we love them. Even the simplest of nights are appreciated by them because they know that they are getting that quality time with us.
What about the cost of raising so many children? So apparently when you have three or more children, your personal/private income goes on blast. To this, I say that you can make pretty much any income work as long as you know how to re-prioritize. Necessities soon look like frivolous treats and you become a budgeting ninja with the news of a new family member's arrival. I have talked about various ways we stretch our money in this post. Some things may have changed a bit since, but the gist of it all is the same. I make many cleaning products, bath and body supplies, and am not the least bit terrified of purchasing things from garage sales, Goodwill, or other thrift shops. Hand me downs are big here, too. We rarely eat out, and we keep our menu quite simple... we stick to whole foods as much as possible and try to avoid the pricey, less healthy packaged stuff. If you want to know more, read the other post. I am still intrigued by others' ways of saving and budgeting, so I'd love to hear your tips and tricks!
You know what causes that, right? Well, we're adults with fully functioning brains, so I think we've figured it out.... and we seem to do it well. ;) We know very well how to avoid pregnancy, we have just come to a place where we are confident in our marriage, our faith in God, and our family, so we choose to leave the size of our family up to the Lord. Much to our surprise, a new addition didn't happen when we first let go. I struggled with it for a bit, but it's all good. God knows what's what. Now that blessing is growing and preparing for the big day he/she makes his/her grand entrance into our big wide world.
I talked about my change of heart and our decision to let go here. We stand by this and are confident that God will bless us with the perfect size family for us. It wasn't easy letting go... believe me... I don't like it when I can't control big things in my life... but this was the best decision we ever made for our marriage, our family, and our relationship with God. It took my faith to the next level. I am so thankful for that.
Are you going to send your kids to school now that another baby is on the way? Uh, well... that thought never crossed my mind until you asked, but no.... I will not be sending my children to school because our family is growing. This is an excellent time for them to learn great life/family skills. This is another reason I love schooling my kids at home. They are always learning life skills, even when textbook lessons are set aside. If we need to take a few weeks off, we have the freedom to do so. We have summers to make up for missed school, and we have the ability to write our own schedules. If the Lord were to direct us otherwise, of course we'd send the kids to school, but for now, we're sticking to what works for us. What works for us is the absolute honor to home school.... and to do it with complete peace and joy. I realize we will have hard days or seasons, but that is no reason to throw in the towel. Things worth doing never come easy. :)
There are so many other questions and concerns that come up, from our choice of diapers to medical decisions to where or how we're giving birth. While most of the time, it's just curious cats who'd like to take notes for future reference, or friends who enjoy talking about babies and family, sometimes people ask because they want to *clears throat* "educate" us on the best options. This makes me chuckle. Four kids in and another on the way, and there are people who believe we aren't well-equipped with knowledge on various child-rearing topics. Of course, it's a never-ending learning process, but I've become quite the pro when it comes to research, prayer, and educated decision making. We've got this and we've got it good! It is great knowing there is a community of people out there who want what's best for our family/children, even when the approach can rub a pregnant mama the wrong way.
I am so grateful that we live in a country where family size and most of the decisions we make are completely up to us. I'm thankful that I have some of the absolute best people in our corner ~ people who stand behind our actions, even if they are different from their own. I feel blessed beyond measure for the people God has placed in my life and I am incredibly excited for the new life to come that will make a great impact on my own.... in fact, this kidney bean has already made quite the ripple and I am so in love. <3
Do you have a large family? I know that term is relative.... there are families much larger than ours... but if you have a family that is larger than the "norm," I'd love to hear from you! What do you say to the critics? How do you prepare for a new arrival? What do you do to make things work financially? How do you rearrange your home and organize your space to accommodate the new life that will fill that space? These are questions that will always intrigue me. Family will always be a huge interest of mine, especially since the one I have pulls at my heartstrings in ways I never thought possible.
However big or small your family, I pray the Lord blesses you and provides you with the joy and contentment He's given me. Hug your loved ones and don't forget to count your blessings!
~Em
As each day passes, I go through a whole slew of emotions, like any expectant mother would. This baby is very much wanted and that never changes, but I do notice when I'm around people who are skeptical of large families, their doubts try to take hold in my mind. Am I cut out for this? Are we doing right by the kids we have? Is this really the right move to make? Well, let me tell you, there's no turning back now, so those thoughts can be tossed in the trash, thank you very much!
Here's the thing: I've always wanted a big family. I've always loved kids, and I love them even more now that I have my own. Today, having a large family is often looked down upon, and my conflict-avoiding self can't exactly dodge the comments and interrogations that come from those concerned people who think we're being a bit extravagant in our family-growing ways. There's nothing I can do about those people, other than to brush their comments off my shoulder and to continue being happy with what is to come for us.
I've got some answers to the questions people like to ask. I'll try to be as kind as possible in my response, but know that I am full of raging hormones, therefore I'll ask forgiveness, just in case I give a cold answer with the look of death in my eyes. ;)
Aren't you concerned about quality time with each child? Of course we are! As of right now, Jeff works a second shift job, so our "Alone Nights" with the kids fall on my shoulders.... and that is a responsibility I eagerly accept. In addition to praising each child's individuality, strengths, accomplishments, and gifts, we strive to have "alone nights" once a week with each child. As our family grows, those alone nights may be spaced out, but they will happen, and we will continue to enjoy them until the kids are grown and have families of their own. Since we currently have to enjoy alone nights at home most of the time, we do what we can to make them special. The kids often get to choose a special snack, a show or movie to watch, or an activity to do with Mom. We've also allowed them to pick an alone night buddy to tag along, if they choose to have one. We enjoy games, spa nights, long talks, and Netflix marathons with the kids. As soon as our nights free up a bit, Jeff and I will take turns carting the kids to various outings on their own (ice cream, putt putt, bowling, etc.). We do what we can when we can do it and we always make sure that our kids know just how special they are and how much we love them. Even the simplest of nights are appreciated by them because they know that they are getting that quality time with us.
What about the cost of raising so many children? So apparently when you have three or more children, your personal/private income goes on blast. To this, I say that you can make pretty much any income work as long as you know how to re-prioritize. Necessities soon look like frivolous treats and you become a budgeting ninja with the news of a new family member's arrival. I have talked about various ways we stretch our money in this post. Some things may have changed a bit since, but the gist of it all is the same. I make many cleaning products, bath and body supplies, and am not the least bit terrified of purchasing things from garage sales, Goodwill, or other thrift shops. Hand me downs are big here, too. We rarely eat out, and we keep our menu quite simple... we stick to whole foods as much as possible and try to avoid the pricey, less healthy packaged stuff. If you want to know more, read the other post. I am still intrigued by others' ways of saving and budgeting, so I'd love to hear your tips and tricks!
You know what causes that, right? Well, we're adults with fully functioning brains, so I think we've figured it out.... and we seem to do it well. ;) We know very well how to avoid pregnancy, we have just come to a place where we are confident in our marriage, our faith in God, and our family, so we choose to leave the size of our family up to the Lord. Much to our surprise, a new addition didn't happen when we first let go. I struggled with it for a bit, but it's all good. God knows what's what. Now that blessing is growing and preparing for the big day he/she makes his/her grand entrance into our big wide world.
I talked about my change of heart and our decision to let go here. We stand by this and are confident that God will bless us with the perfect size family for us. It wasn't easy letting go... believe me... I don't like it when I can't control big things in my life... but this was the best decision we ever made for our marriage, our family, and our relationship with God. It took my faith to the next level. I am so thankful for that.
Are you going to send your kids to school now that another baby is on the way? Uh, well... that thought never crossed my mind until you asked, but no.... I will not be sending my children to school because our family is growing. This is an excellent time for them to learn great life/family skills. This is another reason I love schooling my kids at home. They are always learning life skills, even when textbook lessons are set aside. If we need to take a few weeks off, we have the freedom to do so. We have summers to make up for missed school, and we have the ability to write our own schedules. If the Lord were to direct us otherwise, of course we'd send the kids to school, but for now, we're sticking to what works for us. What works for us is the absolute honor to home school.... and to do it with complete peace and joy. I realize we will have hard days or seasons, but that is no reason to throw in the towel. Things worth doing never come easy. :)
There are so many other questions and concerns that come up, from our choice of diapers to medical decisions to where or how we're giving birth. While most of the time, it's just curious cats who'd like to take notes for future reference, or friends who enjoy talking about babies and family, sometimes people ask because they want to *clears throat* "educate" us on the best options. This makes me chuckle. Four kids in and another on the way, and there are people who believe we aren't well-equipped with knowledge on various child-rearing topics. Of course, it's a never-ending learning process, but I've become quite the pro when it comes to research, prayer, and educated decision making. We've got this and we've got it good! It is great knowing there is a community of people out there who want what's best for our family/children, even when the approach can rub a pregnant mama the wrong way.
I am so grateful that we live in a country where family size and most of the decisions we make are completely up to us. I'm thankful that I have some of the absolute best people in our corner ~ people who stand behind our actions, even if they are different from their own. I feel blessed beyond measure for the people God has placed in my life and I am incredibly excited for the new life to come that will make a great impact on my own.... in fact, this kidney bean has already made quite the ripple and I am so in love. <3
Do you have a large family? I know that term is relative.... there are families much larger than ours... but if you have a family that is larger than the "norm," I'd love to hear from you! What do you say to the critics? How do you prepare for a new arrival? What do you do to make things work financially? How do you rearrange your home and organize your space to accommodate the new life that will fill that space? These are questions that will always intrigue me. Family will always be a huge interest of mine, especially since the one I have pulls at my heartstrings in ways I never thought possible.
However big or small your family, I pray the Lord blesses you and provides you with the joy and contentment He's given me. Hug your loved ones and don't forget to count your blessings!
~Em
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