I have to admit, my parenting skills could use a little sharpening at times. As much as I'd like to be that perfect, patient, tenderhearted mom at all hours, I fall short. Only by the grace of God can I pick myself up, brush myself off and ask forgiveness when needed.
I want what's best for my children. I want them to put their best foot forward. Today, I might not have made my expectations clear and I snapped when I found an unfinished chore. I raised my voice, talked down to the child who obviously didn't fully understand the task, and I immediately felt remorse. I had to put myself in a "mommy time-out" in my room for a few minutes to let myself cry over my lashing out.
Once I composed myself, I went to my child and apologized. I told him that I shouldn't have gotten angry over such a small thing, and that it was very mean of me to yell at him when he did his best. I asked him if he'd forgive me, and he did, with those dreaded, precious tears in his eyes. I held him tight and tried to choke back the sobs that were forcing their way up my throat.
I, the one person who is supposed to protect my children from bullies, had become the bully. I was horrified and heartbroken by my actions. The beautiful thing in all of this, is that my child showed me the love and grace that Jesus extends to us. My son forgave me and loved me, even when I hurt his feelings. He chose to be forgiving and mature and it absolutely makes my heart soar. He forgave me before I could even begin to forgive myself. This, friends, is unconditional love.
While I know that I have much work ahead of me to right this wrong, I know that my precious boy understands that I love him and I would go to the ends of the earth for him. I have yet to meet a perfect parent, but I see so much perfection in the love a child has for his mother. What a great example for all of us! What a great testimony to the work the Lord can do on one's heart. I was in clear need of an attitude adjustment today, and God used my boy to gently show me the way. While painful, it was exactly what I needed.
I can't take back how I reacted today, but I can learn from it and move on, remembering how precious and fragile my children's hearts are. I really couldn't ask for better kids. We're all continually learning and growing in this parent/child relationship. None of us are well seasoned or experienced in this, and I am so blessed to have children with such willing hearts and tremendous patience to grow with.
It's not easy admitting when you've messed up. It's even harder when you share it with people who weren't involved. Know that if you are having a rough go of it, or if you're just trying to get through today, there are others going through similar situations. Allow God to help you through it. He may soften your heart in the most unexpected ways. Open your heart to Him, hear His voice, and forgive yourself for your mistakes. With forgiveness comes joy, and with joy comes hope for a better tomorrow. Be blessed today, friends!!!
~Em
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