1. I have a love/hate relationship with cloth diapers. Yeah, cue the gasps. I adore the cuteness, the fluffy-ness, the "aww" factor. I really do. I have to hold myself back from buying more diapers because of this. I see one with an adorable hard-to-resist pattern and my first instinct is to jump on that and throw it in my online cart. The thing is..... I really think I am living in the right century. I would have hardly skated by before disposables came along.
I cloth part time. That "part time" status is becoming smaller by the week. It's not that I don't care about our environment... or our hard earned cash. It's that I am not fond of the extra laundry. Some women claim it doesn't seem like that much extra to them, but it sure does to me. I already have to re-wash loads of laundry because of my forgetfulness, so to have to wash these adorable little poop holders multiple times between each poop sesh is a bit much for my taste.
I love that I have these for those times when I run out of disposables and can't make a quick trip to the store to buy another box. I love that my son looks so stinking fluffalicious in them. I really really do. I love how soft some of the covers are. I hate how they flippin' leak at the first sign of pee. (Speaking of... I've tried a few different brands.... Rumparooz covers are my favorite all around.... the leak factor isn't an issue, they are sturdy, they are cute.... but they don't seem as comfortable around the legs and waist as some other brands. Overall.... if anyone ever asks.... Rumparooz are my favorite).
So I will carry on, cloth diapering at home...on the days I won't collapse at the thought of another darn load of laundry.... but I am not going to beat myself up over the fact that I don't bring them out on the town with my baby and I. No guilt. No shame. Just part-time cloth diapering love and hate. ;)
2. I have a love/hate relationship with all things crafty and "Pinteresty." I thoroughly enjoy doing little crafts and projects with my kids.... sometimes. But much of the time, I'm all about handing over that task to my ten year old daughter.... and she just eats it up, I tell ya. I have not a single crafty bone in my body.... so my attempts at creating beautiful things worthy of a perfectly arranged photo are weak at best. Give me the fun activities that require no art-filled talent and I'm your gal! I'm all about using our imaginations.... and luckily so are my kids... because they need great imaginations to see what some of these crafts should look like when made by their dear old mom. I used to feel guilty for not always enjoying this stuff... and inadequate because so many moms were so great at it... but I can't do that anymore. I'm going to embrace who I am as a mom and let go of that need to craft it up on the reg.... unless I really want to!
3. I have a love/hate relationship with doing things outside the home. As a mom with five kids.... I have quite enough "busy" to last me a lifetime. I love being at home. I love doing stuff with the kids right here in the comfort of our own little nest.... or in the yard just outside our nest. While field trips and play dates, and moms nights out are all sorts of fun, sometimes I feel burdened by it all and have to wipe my calendar clean, stay home with the hubby and kids and just be a family. I will never be one of those moms who has her kids in every sport, club, and after school activity known to man. I just won't. My kids seem pretty fine with it. My wallet seems pretty cool with it. My husband doesn't seem to mind that I'm not frazzled and pulling my hair out at the end of each day (well, I kinda do that, but at least it's not EVERY day. ;) ) The point is..... I have enough busy to go around, and I am not complaining about that one bit, but to add to it is overkill unless that activity is truly worth all the hassle. Most of the time, it isn't. I used to feel inadequate over this too. Not anymore.
You don't like that I find no joy in having to get myself all dolled up, get all the kids ready, load them up in the car, and drive to who knows where just to sit there and watch them do who knows what for who knows how long all to have the status of being a good mom who gives her kids a ton of amazing opportunities? So sorry you feel that way.
I am what you might call a "commitment-phobe." If an activity requires weekly attendance for an extended period of time..... nope. If it is going to cost me an arm and a leg and cause turmoil in our house because not every kid gets to do it.... nope. If it is going to cut into the fund for a family road trip... nope. You get my point? I see nothing wrong with being busy.... as long as my family is busy together, doing things in which we find value, all while not stressing over the hows, the wheres, and the whys of it all. To be "busy" just to fit the status quo is just not my cup o' tea. I make no apologies. Not a one. ;) Don't feel this is a jab at you, if you are one of those who thrive in a busy environment. If you love it, good for you!!! Sometimes I wish I did love the hustle and bustle of a full schedule outside the home.... I just don't. :)
4. I don't always enjoy cooking (I usually don't) and I despise grocery shopping. My family is so lucky... no ~ blessed beyond belief.... that they have a Daddy and older brother who are amazing cooks and who actually enjoy the task. Mommy is too unpredictable in this department. When I get in a cooking mood... watch out! Recipes are being made, food is being eaten, and fun is being had! That doesn't happen often. When I'm not in the mood and our two resident chefs are otherwise occupied, my family eats things like rice and stir-fried veggies or *gasp* take out or *gasp* sandwiches or *gasp* mac and cheese. I like quick and easy. Even if it's a tossed salad with tuna on top. Here ya go kids, eat up!
Each season of life brings different feelings for me when it comes to cooking. I get all fired up and want to bake pumpkin bread and make hot cider and get that crock pot out of the back corner of the pantry each fall. When the first snow hits, hot chocolate and snow ice cream must be made. I typically avoid cooking at all costs from mid-winter until hmmmm.... June, perhaps? It's all about survival then.... getting all of our school days finished, keeping the kids from going bat poop crazy from being cooped up in the house, or enjoying the newly warm and sunny weather of spring while neglecting to remember that there is such a thing as dinner and *oh my gosh, it's seven o' clock, I need to make something for the kids to eat, QUICK!* You catch my drift? So those "off" seasons for me are when Jeff and Hayden can really shine in the kitchen. I hand over the control and let them have at it... with a big ol' smile on my face and a refreshing Dr. Pepper in my hand as I kick up my feet and enjoy a little snuggle with Wesson or a nice stare at the wall.
I pretty much never enjoy grocery shopping. I'm honestly surprised I don't break out in hives when I must go. I LOVE making grocery lists. I love the planning of a menu... but to go look through all the aisles, trying to find that one darn ingredient while keeping tabs on kids who want everything in sight and must touch e.ver.y.thing; while bouncing to keep the moby-wrapped baby happy and hoping that no one is judging me because my kids aren't keeping their hands on the cart and staying out of everyone's way.... to then stand next to a huge rack of candy while waiting to pay for the darn groceries before I have to hear one more "but puhleeeeaaase can I just have one treat, mom?"....... where was I? Oh yeah... nope. Can't say I enjoy it. The thing I do enjoy about grocery shopping.... that sense of accomplishment when all the groceries are put away and all I have left to do is think about dinner..... okay, scratch that. But grocery shopping is a fact of life, and while my hubby is so gracious and understanding and honestly does the shopping more often than not, I have to buck up and do it now and then, so hopefully some day, when all my kids become as easy to shop with as my eldest, it might be kinda fun... maybe... no?
5. I yell. Not proud of it. Not in the least, but it happens. I guess I have this thing called a "temper" and things get me going. It's not just a "bahhh" sort of yell. It's a "I'm going to yell now, and every word I say is going to be loud so that I feel terrible about yelling once all is said and done" kind of yell. Our neighbors must LOVE me. It is something I'm working on.... and failing at... but I'll keep working on it until I get it right.
I had our fifth baby at home this past December. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. If we have more kids in the future, they will be born at home too. All up until having him, I worried that I might be too vocal and scare the neighbors if they happened to be outside (mind you, this was just before Christmas, so I'm pretty sure there were no people hanging out on their decks, sipping cocktails and being incredibly inconvenienced by that crazy-loud hippie baby breeder).
I think I sort of made a semi-loud noise when I had Wesson. I was all worried about it. My husband so hilariously reminded me that our family makes more noise than I did while pushing the babe out of my body. Which, as funny as it is, reminds me that I'm being a terrible example to our kids by how much I raise my voice. I'm louder when I'm screeching over messes than I was while having a baby. When that thought sunk in, it stung quite a bit, I must say. Lots of work to do. Far from perfection in this department.
6. My breastfeeding track record is pretty pitiful. The longest I've gone so far was 11 months with my second child. The others were 6 months, 8ish months, and 4 days. Yep. I am a huge fan of breastfeeding, but for one reason or another, it never lasted as long as I would have hoped for. I have a feeling this time will be different. I really hope so. I used to hate myself over this. I used to think I was broken, or unfit to be a mother if I couldn't provide the one thing my babies needed to survive for as long as many of the other moms I knew. You know what? My kids survived on breastmilk AND formula.... and they are thriving.... so there was no need for the self-loathing or for the allowing of other well-meaning moms' not so helpful but oh, so soul crushing comments to make me feel guilty.
Now I happen to be on the other end of the spectrum and still get to deal with unwanted comments. No, I am not pumping or supplementing with formula yet. No, we don't own a single bottle. Yes, all is right in Wesson's world. I mean, have you seen the adorably squeezable chunk of his thighs? 'Nuff said!
7. I'm not a fan of other people's kids. I know... this is the stuff evil is made of. Don't get me wrong... I have no delusions that my children are perfect or that they are the best kids in the entire universe (although... they are the best kids in the entire universe for me!). It's not that I dislike all other kids..... in fact, there are plenty of kids I absolutely adore. I have just found that the list of kids I'd rather not hang around grows quite rapidly. Whether it's just conflicting personalities, lack of parenting, lack of patience on my part, or whatever.... I'm just not that much of a kid person. Ironic, isn't it? ;) I will be sweet as pie, unless some kid bullies or endangers one of mine, but man, do I appreciate the kids I have after a visit to the park or museum. Know what I'm sayin? Or am I completely alone in this? I should feel bad.... right? My conscience must have moved out of the country..... do I even need to remedy this? Back to the acting sweet as pie thing... that makes up for my distaste of naughty, entitled, unsupervised children, right? No? Huh?
8. I am NOT a morning person. There have been a few times where I woke up all giddy and ready to tackle whatever the day would bring me... and even a few days in a row. Enough days to have tricked me into thinking I may have been becoming a morning person. But nope. I am a night owl through and through. People often make the assumption that because I have "so many kids" I must be a morning person. Nut uh. Not at all. Don't talk to me until my first cup of coffee is gone. Better yet, don't even look at me. Okay, I'm not that bad... most days. I love a good hug from my kiddos in the morning.... but save the cat fights and screeching for mom's second cup of coffee, please.
I have tried to change this numerous times. I'm just not wired that way. I want to want to get up in the morning, before the rest of the family to go on a run... or walk.... or crawl around the neighborhood. I want to want to get my devotions in before I see the whites of my kids' eyes, but it's just not happenin' for me. My exercise will have to be whatever it is I do all day... don't even tell me it has to be anything different. I'm okay with who I am, even if there's a whole lotta extra right now. I'll get to the exercise when I get to the exercise. Worry 'bout yourself.... ;) My prime time of day is the evening, and I'm totally okay with that.
9. I crave time alone. I love love love my children with all my heart. I love hanging out with them and doing school and life with them. I love playing games, and snuggles, and watching movies, and breathing in the fresh air of the great outdoors with my kids. There is just something in me that needs that down time by myself. I am a huge fan of having little Netflix marathons at night after everyone has gone to bed. It is my time to veg out, wind down, and allow myself to just enjoy "being." Breathing, loving the opportunity to watch Friends without guilt, eating a snack without sharing.... ahhh.... the luxury. I think, other than God's mighty hand, this is what keeps me going. I'm able to recharge in my own way and it is wonderful. We moms often feel guilty for desiring time alone. We should want to love and dote on our precious little cherubs 24/7 like every other loving mom, right? Newsflash~ I'm pretty sure every mom on the planet craves alone time... and if she doesn't.... she isn't human. There's just no way. ;)
10. I change my mind. A LOT. If you go back and read the whole cloth diaper fiasco bit, you'll see. I'm like that with almost everything.
I want to start a homestead, but FIRST I want to buy an RV and travel the country full time with Jeff and the kids so they have the opportunity to see and experience everything humanly possible before we miss out.... but maybe the homestead is more practical because really, five kids and two adults in a camper might get a little tight..... especially since I crave time alone. I'm going to research the crap out of how to go about full time RVing anyway. Just in case I change my mind again. You get it? This is my mind... all the time.
I love cloth diapering. No I don't. Okay, I love it. Nah.... not for me. We must do book based learning. I think I like online programs better. No, let's go back to books. I'm sick of the clutter, let's go back to online learning. I want to move closer to our families. No.... let's move out of state. But I miss living near our families. Guh, but living down South is such a dream of mine. Ooh, you know what we should do? We should move up North!
.......... I just figured out why I'm so gosh darn tired. It has nothing to do with the kids at all. ;)
11. I changed my mind..... again. I have an 11th confession to make.... I love my husband and children more than life itself and I will go to great lengths to make sure we as a family are happy, healthy and whole. Whether we use cloth diapers or not, no matter who cooks dinner or grabs takeout that night, whether we're in an rv or spread out over ten acres.... whether we continue on in life as a family of seven, or we add to our brood, whether we yell, or whisper "I love you," I will always always always cherish the amazing people God has placed in my care. I will forever love the family I am so blessed to call mine. And that, dear friends, is my greatest, most prized "confession."
~Em
