I had been spiraling downward for a while now. It could be lack of sleep... running on autopilot... the devil (you know how he likes to jump on our weaknesses)... whatever it may be... I had been losing sight of who I really am.
Then God used random people and out of the box situations to snap me back to life. It's funny how He works sometimes, isn't it? He finds you no matter where you are, and uses whatever He can to teach you and show you just how much He loves you. He is pretty darn amazing if you ask me!
I have been struggling with comparison... and not fitting into certain boxes the "majority" want others to fit in. I was feeling very ugly, unworthy, and unwanted by many many people.
How my dear husband has put up with me and repeatedly reminded me how beautiful he thinks I am is beyond me. I would have been pretty darn sick of his down in the dumps attitude if the tables were turned. Just bein' honest here. ;) He definitely has rock solid patience, that one. Love you, Jeff. <3
Anyway, there have been a few people and a few situations that have really lifted my spirits and brought me out of that place of self-loathing. I'm not completely to the place of self-love... I do still have flaws I want to change... or need to change, but I'm remembering that I AM worthy and that God loves me right where I am, He loves me for WHO I am, and that brings me such joy.
This cycle is a constant battle in my life. It has led to some serious depression at times. It has led to lost friendships. It has led to unnecessary stress in our home. There are some bulky chains that NEED to be broken, and I am so thankful that God has carried me to a place where I can see that and start working on chipping away at my shackles.
I want to encourage you if you're in a place of self-loathing, unworthiness, restlessness, comparison, jealousy, sadness whatever it may be... YOU... yes YOU are worthy. You are loved. Even if you feel that your entire support system has vanished... YOU are LOVED by Someone who is far greater, far better than any human being could ever be. YOU are LOVED by the CREATOR... YOU are LOVED by a GOD who sacrificed EVERYTHING to SAVE you. YOU are LOVED by the ONLY ONE who can bring you true PEACE and JOY.
So if you feel alone, know that you're not alone. If you feel lost, know that HE knows exactly where you are...He sees you and He is opening His arms to you. Allow Him to embrace you and heal you.
I'm not sharing my struggles to bring you down or to make you feel sorry for me. I've done enough of that on my own. ;) I share my story because you need to see that no matter how many times you lose sight of what GOD has for you... what HE sees in you.... no matter how many times you lose your way.... He is ALWAYS there to bring you back to the path He carved out for you. He is ALWAYS there to remind you of how WORTHY and BEAUTIFUL and LOVED you are. Turn to Him. Always.
Lots of love and prayers for you, my friends. We are in this thing called LIFE together... with a GOD who can move mountains... we've got this!!!! xoxo
~Em
