I started reading it last night, but tonight I really dug in. This book has bridged the obviously present gap between the Lord and I. Yes, I admit, I haven't been seeking Him the way I should lately. So as I'm reading this book, I'm having many little revelations and confirmations coming at me. It was all good and well... I knew there were changes I needed to make, prayers I needed to pray, work I needed to do.
Then, the second I read a particular verse on a particular page, my world was opened up tremendously, and I saw things so clearly. I'm not sure how many times I've read this verse throughout my life... and I'm sure I've never read it in the translation that was presented... but this verse... this verse was fresh and new and mind-blowing to me tonight.
Rise during the night and cry out.
Pour out your hearts like water to the Lord.
Lift up your hands to Him in prayer,
pleading for your children...
LAMENTATIONS 2:19 NLT
Sometimes, we can skim over a verse and feel as if we got nothing out of it. Sometimes, we receive new revelations each time we read a verse... depending on what the Lord has for us in that season of our lives. That is the beauty of believing in a LIVING GOD and reading a LIVING WORD.
As I read this verse tonight, it all came crashing over me like a soul-cleansing wave. I used to suffer from panic attacks in the night. Really scary, out of the blue panic attacks. I've had a handful the past year or so, but nothing like they used to be. In those moments, the ONLY thing that could bring me down... back to reality... and peace... was prayer.
I would start by asking God to rescue me from my situation...and as I felt myself calm down, my mind would turn to others I could pray over... my husband, my children, my friends and relatives and random people who came to the surface as I spoke.
Now, I'm not saying God sent me into a panic, but I am saying that He took what was a scary and painful situation, and He turned it into something beautiful, purifying, and peace-filled. He turned my thoughts away from my anxiety and toward intercession on behalf of those who may have needed that very prayer in that very moment.
I often hear from Him the most in the middle of the night... when all is calm and quiet. That is when my mind is free from distraction and ready to listen. So to read this verse tonight, it all came full circle, and completely confirmed that my late night prayers don't need to stem from panic or fear... my late night prayers can happen nightly, and calmly... or fervently depending on the situation. My prayers can begin because I choose to pray, and not because I'm finding a way to escape a confusing and somewhat terrifying mind game.
I've been somewhat closed off, whether by accident or deep down intention, to my intimate relationship with Jesus, and I am so glad that He could reach out to me through this book... through this seemingly random occurrence... so that I can find complete peace in Him once more.
Sometimes, we fleshly humans mess up and cause what should be such a rewarding and fulfilling relationship to become complicated and messy. Let me tell you, it is no fault of our Creator. He is perfect and steadfast and so in love with us that it completely boggles my mind in the best sort of way. He has forgiven me for my lack of communication... for my mistakes along the way, and I am forever grateful that He will do it time and time again.
I pray that my testimony can bring you peace, revelation, and hope in your own life. Whether or not you're a parent, whether you're new in your walk with the Lord, or have been holding His hand your entire life... I pray that He speaks to you however you need Him to through my words. I pray that He allows you to grab from this small story, a piece of confirmation... even if it has very little to do with my situation. I pray that you open your heart to hear His voice, and that you allow Him to cover you in His goodness and grace.
Be blessed tonight, and rest in Him.
~Em
